I begin with - Al fateha

Friday, October 10, 2008

Boys will be Boys...

Alhamdullilah Its Friday.

I realized, that a person can go into temporary insanity when they are really angry about something. I think it happened to me yesterday.

I didn’t know a mother can really lose all her patience all for the sake of protecting her child. I also now know what it feels to forgive someone because she thinks of her children's happiness.

While motherhood is wonderful, it can also be painful. All I want is my husband’s support and understanding to my feelings. Sometimes, some parenting issues can be a small matter to him but not to me because I am the mother. To me, anything concerning my child, concerns me greatly. When someone scolds my child, indirectly that person is scolding me.

At 2 years 3 months, I do admit, yes my son is active, mischievous, inquisitive and loves to explore ways to get attention. He is at the Naughty BUT cute stage. He is not all naughty, he can be so sweet at times. Yesterday he said “ Ummi cryyyyy , Love Ummmmiii”, with his head leaning to one side of me... which heart wont melt kan?


I have done research and these are normal behaviour of a boy.
To scold him each time he comes over and do something naughty is totally out of context and definitely it hurts me a lot, especially at this preggy stage where my harmones are topsy turvy.
As they say, Boys will be Boys.

Yesterday night, Little Habib off the TV while 'that man" was watching it, and despite repeated warnings by that man, Little Habib walked over to off / on the TV. Apa lagi, that man scolded my son lah. He pulled Little Habib away from the TV and gave this stern warning look that scared my son. Even I am scared when I see that look.

2 nights ago, he hit little Habib again, albeit gently on the thighs for sitting on my hubby’s lap while hubby was praying and reading his tahiyat akhir. I did'nt mention anything than. I guess enough was enough for me. My son is only a 2 year old toddler not a 4 year old boy who can start to understand instructions.

So this time, while that man was scolding my son, I pulled Little Habib, carried him up, talked to him firmly but softly on why he should not on/off the TV and walk away from that man, despite that man telling me to leave Little Habib to him.
Ok see, I am the rude one here. If he things that of me, so be it. I cant let him scold or hit my son everytime my son comes over to his place. Even if he meant to discipline the boy, there are other ways to do it and not by scaring the little toddler. I dont know if I can ever understand this generation gap that we have.

Needless to say, after we left, I went literally nuts till my hubby finally understood my point.

So far, we have visited Habib Abbas last weekend and Ustaz Iqbal last night for Hari Raya. My son talked a lot to the 2 ustaz.
They gave my boy the attention maybe cos he talks a lot. They commented that he talks a lot for his age, which they felt was good. If he was quiet, we should be worried.

Little Habib even wanted to beat Habib Abbas. He said “ Nak Bok Habib Abbas ..” Malunyer aku. Nasib, Habib Abbas kata his cicit is around the same age as Little Habib and is also just as naughty. He says "biarkan".

Alhamdullilah, Habib Abbas dapat doa kan Little Habib despite all the struggling Little Habib was doing to get out of hubby’s arms. I also got his doa and for the unborn child too. Habib also agreed on the name we have chosen for our 2nd child. He says it’s a good name. Insya’Allah. Arabs prefer just 1 name.

As for Ustaz Iqbal, I asked him if it was all right to let our son be around us when we pray and should we beat or scold our son if he sits on us or hug us or tug on us when we pray.
Ustaz says, its OK as around this age, they wont understand. If the boy climbs on us when we pray, let it be. Even Rasullulah (saw) experienced that with his grandsons.
The boy will learn when he is older.

But Ustaz did advise that if your kids are naughty and cannot be controlled at the mosque, than there is a hadith where Rasullulah says to keep your children away from the mosque till they understand.
Unless the mother can be sure that the child will not disturb the other jemaah’s than its fine. He recalled one story where he was praying Zohor jamaah prayers at the mosque and a toddler wondered away from his dad and walked all the way to the mimbar, stood on the Khatib's chair and talk on the microphone which happens to be ON by the way! so that disturbed the Jemaah prayers.
Imagine praying zohor and you hear ‘toddler talk’ from the mosque speakers. Must have distracted the jemaahs and Im sure his parents must have had a hard time concentrating on their prayers eager to finish it so that they can take the boy away from the mike!
In that kind of instances, Ustaz advise, its better not bring your kids to the mosque till they are older and more ready.



Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Ummi,

I agree with you. Boys will be Boys. I have 2 boys and sometimes I go insane chasing over them too. Don't restrict them too much or they will never be creative. As long as you and your husband teach them the right values like praying, your boy will turn out fine.
You have a long more way to go and motherhood is full of love and tears.
Good Luck !

kak sri said...

Mommying is never done..:))see if its really done when our kids got married..heheh..
Yep..2 years old..tell me about it..for me, double that!same time, same channel,same zone etc..:))its a phase and kids will outgrow it in no time,insya'Allah..just be consistent in the disciplining..what is always a no no and what is a-ok..use simple words with him ok...use a firm tone what kind of antics you may disapprove and mebe in simple terms,let him know how you or others feel about it..applause when in the same scenario, he stops doing those things already..he'll get the drift..insya'Allah!
Ni according to my experience with my then 2 plus plus yr old twins lah..ehee..you are always learning dear and so does lil habib....yg penting..its more joy than otherwise raising kids..enjoy them ok ummi..take care..hugsnlove..always..*

Ihsan said...

Salaam...

Taking Lil Habib away, in my opinion, is the right thing to do and isn't rude.

And I also agree with what Ustaz Iqbal says. The bad thing if the toddlers start running around is that some of the more impatient jemaah will start being annoyed and say some nasty things out of annoyance, and that isn't good for the child, right? But of course, bringing the child to the mosque is still very important. So, really depends...

anyway, take care...

Ihsan said...

Oh and btw,

I remember that stage...My nephew used to do that all the time...on and off the TV while we are watching it...I used to pretend it doesn't bother me at all...our current TV survived the ordeal, but the TV has gone a bit berserk until today...

Hehe. Boys will be boys...and men will always be boys too.

Anonymous said...

Salaam Ummi,

What I will do in your position to avoid my son being harshly reprimand again after several incidents:
1. Always be vigilant of lil habib for his movements, so anticipation can take place (each time you are there).
2.Taking lil habib away from the situation, like what ihsan mentioned before any repetition happen.
3.Distract him with other things/ Get out of the place!
4.Talk to him about why his acts upset others, but not us. (part ni nak kena berbuih banyak, before he reach the stage to be able to understand and carry out)

FYI:
One, The acts that kids do that may be unwanted behaviour in the eyes of others are basically because they are LOOKING FOR ATTENTION, be it parents or others.

Two, I noticed that my 2 kids need our attention especially when we are out of the house and we start to ignore them and do other things e.g. chit chatting with others, doing stuffs.

Refer to my notes on the blog that you wrote about the 1st time lil habib was reprimanded.

The person in the picture will not understand our way of disciplining kids and may think they are more experienced and expertise in doing so.

Wassalam
U.M.

Ummi's Blog said...

Salaams :

Anonymous and Ksri : Thanks for the encouragement and the assurance... im sure you guys are experience mommies...tu lah i was thinking to myself, I guess parenting only ends when they get married ? or maybe not ..hee..

Ihsan : Glad to know the on/off TV is nothing new and yr nephew did that too.. hah ! it is normal i guess...

UM : you see I cant always be vigilant..at this stage of my pregnancy, im always v tired and sometimes cant even get myself off from the couch... so to be so vigilant tu ada susah sikit. I only tend to take notice when I hear a commotion like the on/off tv incident.
Thanks for your advise sis..

Anonymous said...

u know sister, I am experiencing that same thing. People questioning my parenting skills and my son's active behaviour. I am also in my emotional stage, and I am also pregnant now. I can really emphatise with u.

Ummi's Blog said...

sorry to hear that sis, yeah i guess we are in the same boat..emo preggy women with active toddlers.
hang in there.. lets pray for each other yar.

Anonymous said...

dun weri too much dear, my boy pun sama juga.. once i say no je he will look at me with this cheeky look and do that exact same thing i told him not to but twice as hard. Kalau first time, i will tell him no and then explain things to him like you cant bang the tv cos it will get spoilt and you cant watch mickey mouse ..usually yang pertama kali tu soft warning lah .. nada tu lembut tapi firm.. kalau dia buat lagi , i kasi him 'the look' hehe ni look yang i selalu kasi my students so they feel uncomfortable and stop what they are doing ie talking or being naughty. usually this works.. kalau tak pun then i kasi him 'the voice' hehe .. usually i just say out his full name using'the voice' suara cikgu2 marah anak murid dia hehe.. enath lah by that time usually his face will change and he will settle.. tapi kan kekadang kaalu i dah betul nya penat.. i wil just go straight to the voice hehe.. point being u just have to trial and error and see what works for your son.. tapi dont fret and yes you must protect him ..that is our job :)so to me you weren't rude.. tapi kan kalau boleh you just avoid his place :)

-love id-

Ummi's Blog said...

Hi Id,

yeah true... I guess I must start having a certain "look" or the "voice" to signal to my son that I mean business when he is naughty. He seems to think that everyone will manja him and its all right to be naughty. Nanti dia, once his adik comes, and attention is split, he will really have to learn how to grow up and be a little independant. heh...

as for that man, haiz..hard to avoid...in fact, cannot avoid cos he is family. Like u say before, need to buang yg keroh, ambil yang jernih.