"Who's in Charge?"

"Are'nt you afraid?"

She points to the skies above and said " Who's in charge?"

~~~ Inspired by dear Hajar.

I love this...and will always remember that when Im scared, or when things and people haunt me, I will look up at the sky and say "Allah, you are in charge"...

Hasbiallahu Wa Ni'mal Waqil.

*NOTE* : Allah (The Sacred and The Mighty) is not in a certain place or even needs a place. It is also wrong to say that Allah is everywhere. Read comments for further explanation.

The year 2009...

2009:

*became housewife for a whole year...

*hospitalised for asthma

*attempted to cook a few dishes, successful with Italian cooking. Cooked Adik's porridge, something I didnt have to do during Abang's porridge eating days.

*handled my baby solely and breastfeed her for a year. Wuhoo!

*still trying our best to discipline Abang, looks like he has mellowed abit but still much work needs to be done with this boy....Headache!

*Abang attends school. Hysterical when he first joined, now he is the "chip" of the block.

*Witness a major destruction. Still praying for a peaceful closure. Sad.

*Witness people who stuck by us (very thankful for the gifts) and also those who left us in times of hardship...hur hur hur. You think I didn't noticed? You Think???

*Worked hard in finding a job. Wasn't easy being a jobseeker who wears the headscarf and has 2 small kids. Its not always you get the job that you really want. Reminded that Rizk is determined by Allah(swt)...

* Hubby drove up to KL with just me and the kids for the first time to attend the haul of Imam Abdullah Alhaddad. It was a good and spiritual trip. Insya'allah we will make it a yearly event with our close friends.

*Got a job through Hubby's contacts. Shows that networking and being friendly is a powerful tool in life.

* Learnt that one should not always stick to Principals. Its best to be generous or your Principals will eat you up one day. Life is not always about Principals. Its best to give and take.

* Looking forward to spend the school holidays with my kids before a new task awaits in 2010.

With the many sadness and joys, I am thankful that I still have my hubby as my patient advisor and my kids who keeps me sane....yes I am. Alhamdullilah.

Approaching a new beginning....

What can I say, Its been quite a year...

2009 has been for me a year full of ups and downs but Alhamdullilah, holding on to my faith, I have made it through without crumbling to the fullest.

While it has been such a joy looking after Adik for a whole year, breastfeeding her till now, taking care of her every need, I knew at the back of my mind that one day, I would have to be out in the office again working.
Not many would understand why I have to do this, some have critised but its just something hubby and me plans on doing, for the sake of our future aspirations.

Alhamdullilah, after months of job hunting, a few unsuccessful interviews, disappointments, tears, temp jobs and lots of prayers, I managed to land a job with a company whose boss is someone I had first heard about a few years back, eventually met at his open house, and have deep admiration for his effort in being on the path that not many would take. A man who is Generous but keeps a low profile.
The office is near, there are some perks to the job, the people seems nice and alhamdullilah, its next to a mosque. But seriously, I may dread the long hours.

They are welcoming me on board starting 4h Jan 2010, so there is lots to do now to prepare myself.
First and foremost, I'm training Adik to drink milk from the bottle, something she has not done in a long time as her milk comes directly from me. Its been quite a challenge and Adik is frustrated but so far, I have succeeded in 2 occasions, so there is still hope. Insya'allah.

Then there is a need for a helper. Oh Allah, I pray and I cling on to you to help me choose a reliable, responsible and loving helper who will be good to family.

And since I have been on a break for about a year and this job is something new to me, I have been praying hard, reading the Ratib and doing some zikir to prepare myself emotionally and mentally that no matter what, I will try my best to succeed. Give me 5 years before I shall start to really sit down and think about being a Full-Time Housewife.

"Oh my kids, Ummi hopes the both of you will be able to adapt. Dadi and Dada will be around, so will the new helper, but I know the both of you will miss Ummi so much. We might not have our story sessions before your afternoon naps, but Ummi promise that on the days that Ummi is not working, we will spend lots of time catching up about the week. "

I worry for Adik, but I leave her in Allah's (swt) hands..... Its best she turns out independant and not someone like me. As for dear Abang, he will miss me Im sure...but he is also close to his grandparents, so hopefully, he wont be so affected.

2009; I saw something which I never thought I would in my lifetime. The things that happened had taught me and hubby a huge lesson in life and we vow not to be the same like those who chose such a path.
We talked about about the stuff that happened alot and promised to be good role models to our own kids.

Our kids...such innocent beings. Ummi and Abah pray that our family will be strong and good.
Amiin.

Adik and Abang squabbles alot but they also play together when Abang is in a Good Mood. Adik iss the good one, always wanting to play and hug her Abang...but unfortunately her brother can be so dramatic and aloof sometimes. Pfft....

My cute baby button nose..... starting to be active this days..... Its easy to bring her out. Maybe its a girl thing.... : )

The kids loves swimming...just bought Abang a new bathing suit.....

Adik too is very comfortable swimming be it on her boya or when her Abah is holding her.

Eid Mubaraq...

Eid Mubaraq..... : )

No matter how I try to run away from being involve in the festivities, I tend to love it back again when we relatives and friends meet.....Its always so nice to catch up.

These days, Ive been too caught up with mothering duties that I do not have the time to blog. My journey through motherhood and Ihsan continues to be tested with lots of ups and downs, but Alhamdullilah, I am managing.

The children are such a joy to look after no matter how difficult they can be. Often, when taking care of their fussiness, crankiness and moodiness, I wonder, who else can be more patient than me, their mother. No maid or helper can be as patient as I am or give them as much love as I can, because simply, they are MINE.

I cant wait to go back to the workforce, however, I am worried for Adik as she is clinging on to me like a little monkey. You know what I mean right. I worry for the kids if I were to go back to work, but it must be done in order to achieve our aspirations.

The cure of being worried all the time is to have absolute faith in Allah (swt) and to lay your worries to Allah (swt) only. I noticed, my heart has been more at peace eversince, I started practising this zikir :
Hasbiyal laahu laa ilaaha illa huwa alaihi tawakkaltu wa huwwa Rabbul arshil azeem.

حَسْبِيَ اللّهُ لا إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَهُوَ رَبالْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ(129)
say: Allah is sufficient for me, there is no god but He; on Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of mighty power.

With that, I am walking the straight path, trying to be a good mother and person and to do the best I can with whatever that I face. Insya'allah.


Our colour for this Raya is Dark Purple. However, I ditched Adik's purple kebaya for a more comfortable pink blouse for obvious reasons.

Purple is our colour this year. Even Aunty Nurul joined in.

The kids with their 'smelly pillow' which Abang affectionately calls "Babbut"...and they love biting the corners. What can I say... these pillows are "god sent" !

Akhir Ramadhan.

The view from my bedroom window as I get up to do QiamuLail....

I have a few stories to share actually.
One is.... my encounter with a Muslim Jin as I woke up for Sahur, and another one is.... my depressing take on whats life as a housewife really like. But I guess what I want to remember most when I re read my blog is how I spend 2009’s Ramadan.

Days have passed, like it or not, Ramadhan is leaving us. With much sadness, I can feel the clock ticking and no matter how hard I wish that this blessed month will never end, it has to go.... to make way for Shawal and Eid celebrations.

Emotionally, I am at peace.
I love this month so much and Alhamdullilah, I have put in some effort to dream of attaining a splash of Lailatul Qadr. Some Ulama’ says that if Ramadhan has 29 days, than the night of Lailatul Qadr befalls on the 27th night. Insya’Allah this year, I do what I can to search for it.

Every Thursday night, I go for Terawih Prayers at our favourite mosque – Masjid Abdul Razak. I don’t get to do full 20 rakaats since Adik is crawling around me, but alhamdullilah, I get Isyak + 4 or 6 rakaats of Terawih and that is good enough. I soaked myself in the blessings and that was my main intention of tagging along with the hubby

I love doing the Ramadhan zikr and I love making doa in this blessed month. When hubby is away at the mosque for Terawih prayers, I put the kids to sleep, do some chores, eat abit and than I sit at my sejadah to read some verse of the quran and than I read Ratib Al Haddad. After that I make doa, and sleep around 11 plus. In the wee hours of the morning, I get up at 4.30 am, eat sahur, and than with 2 mugs of plain water, I sit on the sejadah again to zikr n doa till its Subuh. This has been my routine and despite not having time during the day for any long prayers, I am glad there is still time to be close to Allah (swt).

Our Eid preparation this year have been simple. Alhamdullilah, it has never been such moderate like this and it has made me feel what some groups of people feel.

This year, we got baju kurungs for the kids and for hubby. I’ll use the many that I have in my closet. We got matching Jubah Oman for hubby and Little Habib. 1 carpet for the coffee table, 3 Pyrex jars for the crackers and that’s its. Simple.
I feel touched that my mum and sis have sponsored clothes and shoes for my kids. I’ll add them to the list of people who must receive gifts from me once I get a job. Insya’Allah.

The blessings of Ramadhan…its lovely when you can feel it. Masya’allah…its sad and wasteful when you cant.
Barikilla humma lana fi syahri Ramadhan!

Happy Fasting….
Ma'salama