At this stage of my life, bringing up a 2 year old toddler in the "terrible 2 Manja phase" and another baby on the way, I am still grappling with the correct methods to discipline my child.
It has always been my concern that only the child's parents and his caregivers have the right to discipline the child especially when it comes to using physical punishment eg Hitting hands.
In Little Habib's case, it should be me and hubster as well as my parents and siblings as we are the ones caring for him since birth. Maybe later on in his life as he gets older, this rule can be change, eg when he has friends or religious teachers who are Alim and mature enough to tell him from right to wrong.
But at THIS stage, I would strictly like to keep it to us and his caregivers as obviously he does not know from right to wrong yet.
Yesterday, after iftar at a relatives house, I shan't mention who, Little Habib was cornered with no where to run and hit on the hands by a male relative as Little Habib had hit the man's daughter while she was praying Magrib prayers. The man's daughter is an 8 year old girl.
I was there in the room busy pinning my headscarf when it happened. Initially when Little Habib hit the girl, I told him dont do that, nicely as kakak is praying. Then he hit again and again ( maybe trying to make kakak stop praying and play with him ),
and the Man came in and saw what happen, so he kept saying "dont beat my daughter" nicely too.
But boys being boys and at that age, maybe loves the attention , so Little Habib gave a hard beat on the girls head once again. "Bok Kakak!" he said and looked at us.
Quickly I left what I was doing to pull Little Habib one side, as I don't want him to do that again, lagipun its embarrassing cos the girl's father was looking. But Little Habib thought that I was maybe going to hit him tried to run out of the room to look for his dad.
That was the part where the man, block the entrance of the door and grab little Habib and beat his hands ( lightly but with a stern face ) and kept repeating " Why you beat my daughter? Why you beat my daughter?" making little Habib so frightened and made him try to squirm out of the man's hands. I was angry at the man, but I kept quiet because I don't want to be disrespectful as the man was my elder.
Finally, Little Habib managed to run out of the room, to my hubbys arms and the man followed my son and kept scolding him, not harsh but in a pestering way. I didnt go near them but I can hear Little Habib saying "Nak Ummi Nak Ummi"... but I still left him with his dad.
To cut the long story short, after we left that relatives house, I don't know why but I felt so guilty for not pulling Little Habib away from that man, and also I watched him struggling out of the man's grip without doing anything and I am angry that my hubby also allow the man to scold our son and I know that my son is naughty but what gives the right for that man to disiplin my son when he is not the caregiver no matter how close he is when it comes to relations?
And when he said " Why you beat my daughter?" , shouldn't it be more of " Dont beat Kakak, cannot sayang" , wouldn't that be better instead ?
I could not really sleep last night so I told hubby that it will be a long while before Little Habib goes to that house again, and hubby says Im being oversensitive and we should let people scold our son if what he has done is wrong. That is his take on the matter, obviously conflicting with mine.
I may be wrong, but my motherly instinct tells me to protect my son no matter what. Am I spoiling him? I don't know... but I feel no matter how naughty my son is, I still have to there for him when he is being cornered by people who is not his caregiver.
Looks like motherhood is a trial and error learning method. I would love to hear what mummys out there feel about this issue though.
: ) Happy Friday and Salaams Syawal, so not in the mood but time has to move no matter what.
Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56