I vomitted in the car this morning after a hearty breakfast of bubur kampung and teh tarik at Geylang Market. Luckily, I had a crumpled Old Chang Kee plastic bag with me. If not, the whole car will stink. After hubby drop me at Kembangan Mrt, I vomitted again, near a tree and grass patch. Eyes watery and all, wish I had someone to pat my back for me. Takpelah, be strong, I reminded myself. Who was I kidding.... Hubby can't be with me 24/7 kan.....
Im sorry you have to be reading this. I have to write it down, so that I can remember how this feels. This feeling seems so alienated to me eventhough I did go through it before nearly 2 years ago. Its worse this time, tapi, me tetap redha. Time will pass, days will go by. Its not like Im stuck.
Eventhough, Im feeling zombiefied, my parents are around to take care of Little Habib and hubby has been really patient though he is forcing me to be strong. On nights where its bearable, we still go for kuliah and solat Isyak at the mosque. On nights where I cant take it, I go home early and will be in bed by 9.15pm.
Insya'allah.... Im going through another journey now....Insya'allah.
Alhamdullilah, even with this quesy feeling, I still can walk to work, I still can do laundry and do ironing. I still manage to attend some maulids. Sorry, I felt terrible at Ustaz Salleh's maulid. Too many people, nausea, Little Habib looking for his dad, I shd have just stayed at home.
I loved the maulid I attended at Masjid Alkaff Kampung Melayu last Sat nite. The syarahan on loving Rasullah (saw) was rather interesting too. My good friends sat beside me, making me happy too. Such are the medicine of a zombiefied woman.
Instead of complaining, I have decided to count my selawats. I am aiming a certain number of selawat to be acheived by end of this week. If I can achieve it, I will up the number. Its better for me to do this, since I dont talk much nowadays. The sad part is I dont even like to talk to Little Habib who beginning to be really talkative, but I try to kiss and hug him so he wont feel unloved. I read at another blog, that the blogger aims a few thousand selawat before she reach tanah suci for her Umrah trip. Masya'allah.....
Ummul ‘Ala’ berkata, "Rasulullah s.a.w. mengunjungiku ketika aku sakit, lalu beliau bersabda;"Bergembiralah, hai Ummul ‘Ala, sesungguhnya apabila seorang muslim sakit, Allah akan menghilangkan kesalahan-kesalahannya sebagaimana api menghilangkan karatnya emas dan perak." (H.R. Abu Dawud)
Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda, "Tidak ada seorang muslim yang ditimpa cubaan/ujian berupa sakit dan sebagainya, melainkan dihapuskan Allah Ta’ala akan dosa-dosanya, seperti pohon kayu menggugurkan daunnya." (H.R. Muslim)
Sakit itu Kafarah. I do know.., I am full of sins. I make sins everyday I think. Alhamdulillah wa as-syukrulillah, I am thankful... May this wash off my sins like the waves wash over writings on the sands.
I'll write about my visit to Habib Abbas house maybe on Friday for AIF. He advised us to Istigfar alot. Maybe he can sense..... that I really need to make lots of Istigfar for all my shortcomings.