I begin with - Al fateha

Monday, November 12, 2007

*** Weekend's OOooverrrr.... ***

Indeed, its a new week ahead....
I had a tiring weekend, still having backaches, not enough sleep, but this weekend, I learnt alot of lessons along the way, and Ive made an interesting but disturbing, discovery about little Habib's behaviour.
Not that its anything serious, but it may get serious if its gone un-tackled....
*reminder*, this is a new project for me... code name : *project Discipline*




Little Habib made it to Masjid Sultan on Saturday for the haul of Almarhum Ustaz Syed Abdillah Aljufri, with me and hubby and alhamdullilah, he got doa khusus from the Alim - Shyakh Saad Bin Gawish, ulama' Mesir from University Al-Azhar. Semoga doa shaykh Saad bib Gawish makbul. Amin.
I was happy to meet my buddy, whom I though would not be able to make it.. and we even shared nasi briyani dam together. hehee...





This is the disturbing part. After the majlis at Masjid Sultan, we brought Little Habib to id's place. He had fun playing in the toy room, but I noticed, he's quite anti social when playing and if he wants a toy from Auni, or Hamshah, he will just grab the toy away. If they refuse to give it to him, he will shout, more of roaring like a lion ! and then they will give in, and he happily takes the toy away, as if its not wrong to do that. Oh My, where did he learn such un-gracious behavior??
...... Im quite serious about teaching him proper discipline and things like sharing from this young age, as I cant stand little rascals...
*luckily Ummu Mukhtaar has great knowledge on childhood behaviour, and she's promised to help me along the way. Mummys out there, if you have tips on toddler behaviour especially on socializing, do comment or email me k... thanks..
to be continued.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

actually auni also sometimes refuses to share her toys so i would usually say things like " Allah likes it if you share or good girl/princess must share your toys or auni , if you dun share your toys then your friends will all go home and you wouldnt have any more friends" things like that.. it is a normal phrase that all children goes too but yes i am still disciplining auni about her behaviour too esp the shouting part and her stubborn attitude..which i cannot stand :P
niwei..boring2 leh come over again k :)
-id-

ihsan said...

I guess that's normal for an only child. Usually gets better once they have sisters/brothers...

Somehow my sister managed to make my nephew a (ultra) sociable kid - maybe because she's very fierce, or maybe because my mom always tells him what "id" said...

or maybe because he has so many toys that he found out that friends are more valuable than toys...

not helping, am I? heh.

Ummi's BLOG said...

Id, Auni is a good girl and she's so cute the way she talks and so loving. I wish my boy will be like her one day..must mix more with her lah... or is it the Barney Influence ? hehe.....I malu with yr mum tau..she saw "little habib" throw the toys around and she keeps coaxing him how to not throw the toys..hehe... I need to read up more on parenting lah.. guess ive neglected this portion..

err.. ihsan, haha..not helping lah.. no lah, i mean I dont really want to be fierce to my boy, and also I feel that even if he has more toys, he wont share.. he also loves to trow his toys around..it gives him a kick to bang the toys on the floor..

I know its a phase, but still, im quite pai sei when it comes to mixing with other kids...

Anonymous said...

Salaam Ummi,

I think it's a phase that most kids would go through. Currently Habib has no other children to play with, hence he probably has no idea about sharing or the fun of playing with other children. Perhaps more exposure to other children may help him develop social skills. (You might wanna take up Sis Id's invitation and swing over her place more often for playdates! Hee..) At this stage, toddlers have no concept about right or wrong; what they do is usually to find out cause and effect of things, like 'pull kakak's hair = makes her yell' or 'throw toys = they bounce/break'.

While Nabil is an only child, he has two cousins to play/fight/interact with. Even so, he does exhibit possesive tendencies over his toys, eg: he will push his cousins hands away from a toy he is holding if they want to take it away, and will (bossily) exclaim 'Yaah!'.

In playing with my friends' kids or his cousins, I try to teach him the concept of 'mengalah' even though he's the youngest (so what? lessons must be learnt mah..). If another child takes a toy away from him, I'll tell him he's had his turn, so it's someone else's turn to play (he probably doesn't understand me, but I'll say it anyway). Then I distract him with another toy.

Perhaps also, I don't let Nabil get away with naughty behaviour. If he messes with appliances, decorations and other things, he gets a telling off in a clear and firm voice; again, toddlers won't understand what you say, but they will get the gist from HOW you say it. If he does it again, tangan kena kuti. Of course his grandmothers (sometimes his father or grandfathers too) would be rescuing him from his mother's ire, but I am the first and last line of authority here! LOL. Now they're using the phrase "Tak boleh, nanti mummy marah." on him to prevent him from messing with things. And it usually works. Nyeeeehh!

In everything, we have to find balance. Discipline/moral concepts is something we have to enforce along the way. But temper the enforcement with lots of love and praise if he/she does something right.

Loving a child to the point of leniency doesn't help him or her either :)

~Ummu Nabil

ihsan said...

Eh, my nephew also kalau I cannot control him, I say, "I'm letting your mom know." It sounds so pathetic, but he listens to his mom. He not only listens to his mom, but in his blog, he says he loves his mom very much even though she can be fierce. That is because my sis always tells him "I love you." a lot.

Moms rules...

It would be nice if there's a kid whom if you say, "Allah is watching you." then he starts behaving, ah. But I think adults are also not like that.

Oh yeah, and the bryani was good.

Ummi's BLOG said...

Ummu Nabil, let me digest what u say first.. : ) anyway, nabil is lucky he has 2 small cousins to play with at sengkang...little habib only have my parents and siblings and they give in to him all the time...


Ihsan,
hehe..u know, I always tell him UMMI LOVE YOUUUU... hence the blog name.. mana nya mak tak sayang anak kan...

its just tat at this age, nak marah dia pun kesian, so cute and cerubic..u yrself saw him last sat kan..

wah, yr nephew so small got blog huh..yar, he looks smart and pampered actually..

hehe..briyani = fats... hope yr parents got to eat the briyani too..

Ummu Mukhtaar said...

Salaam,

Small kids brains are like sponge. They absorb whatever they see and listen around them. Thus producing the desirable/undesirable behaviour.

Repetition is small kids game. So in order to educate them, we too have to repeat and be consistent in wanting to shape/mould desirable behaviour. Berbuih-buihlah mulut ni till 1 fine day, it is recorded in the child's brain and he automatically show the behaviour.

The instructions/explanation that we give them have to be something that they can see and understand for them to "copycat"/model from.

For example, when the child accidentally spill water.
Step 1: As a start, we do and explain, "When water spills, Ummi takes the cloth and wipes the table with the cloth."

Step 2: The next time water spills. Use the same explanation, guide the child to the cloth and hold his hands for the technique of wiping

Step 3: Once the child knows roughly that he has to swipe the table upon any spillage, encourage him to take the cloth and wipe the table. Praise the child.
*It won't be perfect,but the child knows what to do.

Likewise for a game of asking for toys. Sit with the child 1 to 1 and role play by caregiver taking his favourite toy. Develop dialogue and lots of explanation when child wants the toy that caregiver is holding. Repeat the situation almost daily for him to absorb the meaning of seeking things.
----------------
I understand that working mothers do not see the kids 24/7. Thus it is very important to find out what the child has done during the day and how the caregiver tackle certain behaviour. Otherwise the effort of trying to produce a desirable bahviour will be wasted as there is no consistency.

All the best in your trials. Btw, do carry out the activities too especially at your parents' place without any other person intervention. Then collaborate with your parents in ways to tackle a certain of lil habib's undesirable behaviour.

Anonymous said...

actually im having problems on how to educate auni and han how to behave correctly outside of the house like in a library 9 read my blog ) .. and yes you are right kekadang meamng susah nak marah.. cos they can be so cute that halfway tengah marah conferm senyum and that of course spoils the whole thing.. but maybe you can try and sign up little habib in gymboree.. it did auni lots of good alhamdulillah and han will be joining next year insya'Allah :)
-id-

Anonymous said...

or else we can have playdates with everyone here on an assigned day every month or so ;)
-id-