I begin with - Al fateha

Thursday, February 22, 2007

My colleague told me over lunch that reasonly her eldest son answered her rudely and she got very upset and gave him the silent treatment. As she was telling me the story, I could sense her disappointment as a mother. Then another colleague asked me how I would feel if Little Habib had done that to me ?

I couldn't give a sincere reply because honestly I have never given a thought that one day little Habib would ever be rude to me. I walked back to my office alone as I needed to pray Zohor while the rest continued their chat. I thought what would I do if I was in my colleague's position ?

Would I scold little Habib ? But scolding and raising voices does not help one to solve anything.
Would I run in the room to cry ?
Would I tell my hubby and get him to discipline our son ?
Or would I explain to little Habib that Allah (swt) does not like children being rude to their mothers ?

I would rather not think now as I do not ever want to face the day where my son would be rude to me or my hubby. As a mother, it would pain me if my son were to show me any form of defiance... especially one of hate or violence. Now I know how my mum feel even when let out a little grunt of defiance to her.
At 7 mths, little Habib is getting more 'MANJA' and when he don't get his way, he would shout, even scream with his hands moving as if he is frustrated. If he don't get attention, his cherubic face would be so cramp as if he is trying to fake a cry, yet watching if we are watching him cry. What a drama king, just like his Ummi who is a drama queen to his Abah.
Proper Upbringing... That would help mould little Habib. My hubby and me have this rule where we would not fight or be rude to each other in front of little Habib. We do not raise our voice at each other , even if we have to , it would be in the our bedroom. Even if we were upset, we try and put on a happy front when we are with Little Habib. Its good that way because most of time, little Habib makes us forget that we were angry with each other.

But I cant control what little Habib sees when I'm not around him. For Instance, he is always at my parents place when I'm at work. And My dad has a tendency to raise his voice to scold my siblings when they misbehave. I've seen Little habib watch my dad as he scolds members of the house. But how can I stop little Habib to not watch this when I'm not around him ? I'm afraid that he would ever emulate this. But still, my parents place is still the best place to put him as everyone there love him.

Also these days, Hubby seems to be quite strict with what Little Habib watch on TV. Give the child a break i felt. He is only 7 mth old... but but but perhaps its never to early to start. Just the other day, little Habib was on my lap and we were happily watching Channel 5's 'The dance Floor.' My hubby nagged at me to change channels as he didnt want his son to watch such shows.

And another time, I was watching this music award show with little Habib when Hubby nagged again for me to change channel. Im quite taken aback as hubby never control once what I watch on TV but with his son, its different. It reminded me of a friend's father who don't allow shows like BAYWATCH or MTV in their house. But that man seems like a sufi with his long beard and tawadukness..
but my Hubby ? hmmm...... no comments as yet. It could be a blessing for hubby to be this strict.

I think the best think is we as parents have to expose our children to loving behavior topped with respect and understanding. I will try my best as his Ummi to provide that for him, Insya'allah.


ihsan said...


I know I shouldn't be commenting...but for the sake of not wanting to see more dancing babies...:)

My friend's daughter loves to dance so much it's worrying - she watches MTV and can give the Christina Aguilera sexy look - I'm not kidding - I saw it, and she was only 1 year old then. They learn a lot in the first 2 years...they can pick up the dance moves faster than you! When she's upset, the thing which makes her stop fretting is music! 50 cent and the minah song...

Point is...it's scary what they learn at such an age...

Anonymous said...

time runs and what our children are facing in their childhood are totally different from ours. so, it may not be correct if we treat them like what our parents did to us. we need the 'ilmu' to educate them. If you need the 'bantuan' just like I always need, please surf www.familikusayanng.com

nor said...

salaam sis,

good entry ! i can so relate wat your friends have gone thru. I have my fair share of it too. sometimes, my kids really said the darnest things...sometimes it did sounds rude, sometimes they do said logic things, that made me think.......

like wat most parents said "we talk one word they'll answer u with 10 !......."

i guess, as parents..besides instilling (sp?) knowledge and values etc...we hve to make lots and lots of dua'a. Only HE knows best.

Im still learning to be a better mom....:P

Ummi's BLOG said...

haha... 50cents and the minah song ? I thought at 2yrs old, the little girl shd be dancing to Barney and High 5! Its getting to be the norm. I have a 4 yr old cuzin who can rapp to Justin Timberlake and everyone think its cute !
Its makes me think that maybe my hubby do have a point of not letting little Habib watch dance and music shows... Its may be a little too strict, but hopefully, It reaps iman and taqwa in later stage.
ok, I will chk out that website, really need to start learning on correct parenting skills..since little Habib is just 7mths.Im still at the relax stage with him... thanks for all the comments sistas...
yes yes.. Du'a is important..have to put in more emphasis on that.

Anonymous said...

Actually.. i also do forbid my darling from watching certain shows and i always close her eyes at the kissing scenes hehe.. i also allow her to watch tv for a certain amount of time per day cos frankly ive read not good to expose kids under 2 to tv but i have allowed her to watch educational progs from about 1 year old so i guess we dun have to be so rigid and all but more to following our inner feelings i think ;)But frankly dear, as a teacher i've seen so many things and i really second what you've said about proper upbringin and the need to inculcate religion right from the start.. but in the end there are so many other factors that contribute to the end product, a lot of which we cant control like their friends and all..i guess yang penting to give it them our best and a solid foundation..apa yang termampu, lots of dua and hope for the best :)