I begin with - Al fateha

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

To be a soleha wife...its not easy

I dont know whats wrong with me nowadays.

The more spiritual I try to be, the more my nafs try to control me. How do I fight my Nafs ? ( Rasullulah ( saw ) says zikir. )

When i sit down to zikir, I feel like im going uphill and the pressure is great.
Here I am talking abt tasawwuf and maulids and qashidah, and another part of me thinks of buying a COACH bag n Hubby is against it. I can use the money for many other good bags, but but but I just cant forget COACH. Seriously, Im infatuated with the design.

Hubby dont encourage this interest as he dont want me to be the type of woman who follows the heart rather than logic. Eventhough he does sometimes lavish me with such gifts, spending $500 on a bag is just too much for him to agree on.

Its only logical that I use the $ for other useful things but maybe Im stubborn. Why is it so hard to be the type of wife who listens to the hubby ? I do listen, but most of the time, I ask for equality. Its must be because I earn my own pay, thats why I dare to overule ?

From my experience, everytime I dont listen to hubby, my decision will prove to be wrong as in tak berkat.

Hubby told me the other day that he loves me 100% but if Im not so stubborn with my thinking, he will love me 101%. It must be a subtle hint from him to guide me to the soleha path.

These few days, I have the urge to be a better wife. I want to change. I havent been the best, sometimes I try, sometimes I lack terriblely. Im pampered but how long will hubby keep pampering me ? I pray that its forever,

Luckily my hubby is patient and always give me space and chance to change and learn from my mistakes. He is near perfect in terms of akhlak. It must be from the teachings that he has received from almarhum Ustaz Abdillah. No matter how bad things become, he will still be the one who thinks rationally and be calm. While Im the one who always follow my heart which is not good. Is it a women thing ? I think so.

I remember my conversation with someone pious. I ever asked Mamu Yasin for advise on this and he advises me to change before hubby finds NO 2. ( scary thought ).... He says Its like if you keep having to polish a mirror and it gets cloudy again and again, wont you be tired of polishing it.

The other day, Ustaz Abu Hassan DIN said that to be a soleha wife takes 3 factors.
1. Ikut perintah Allah (swt ) and Rasullulah ( saw )
2. Lakukan apa yang suami suruh/kata selagi dibenarkan dalam syariah
3. Elakkan perbuatan atau perkara yang suami tak suka.

* Simple ? I feel Not so when we're leaving in akhir zaman with lots of cubaan *

After listening to this, I keep thinking to myself on how I can be a better wife. For a start, Ive been smiling more at hubby. After 2 years of marriage, i dont think i smile enough to hubby. Not sure if he has noticed my smiles but Ive been keeping track of my smiles just to remind myself that Im must keep trying until Ive attained the recognition from hubby.

Allah........I pray for guidance and to attain a status of soleha for the benefit of hubby , little habib and myself.


ihsan said...

U call him mamu yasin, so I also call him that, and my sis follow me, then her fiance laugh at us...errr...we r not too old to call him dat rite? hehe.

hey u know what though, talking about bags, my sister once got a bag for free...

the other time, my mom accidentally washed my sis punya bag until it became discoloured. She was quite sad coz it was a new bag but she didn't say anything to my mom, coz she didn't want to upset my mom.

Then, she was listening to the radio, and they were offering $50 for callers who answer some questions and she was wishing she'll get through and win the money, so she can replace the bag which was discoloured. She always tried to call-in on other days but never ever got through. That day, she made one call and she got through and won...she got herself a new bag to replace the discoloured one.

I always thought she won coz she was patient with my mom. Subhanallah.

Sorry, can't offer any advice...coz I'm not married, and have no idea what u r going through...

Ummi's BLOG said...

Its okie..im in an emo state now...need some hidayah. maybe i will talk to my hubby abt this.

yes, i always call him mamu yasin cos he's like our uncle kan..

Anonymous said...

From one married woman to another.. Yeah! It's sungguh tak simple langsung. LOL..

Cheer up Ummi, and go a little easier on yourself (errr.. I'm not saying keep going against hubby lah!). I mean, you made the effort, and that counts next to Allah :) Pause, take a breath, count your blessings and try again. Don't expect to get it right in one shot because it is a life-long jihad ;)

~Ummu Nabil

Anonymous said...

Assalamualaikum :)

My arwah father (whom you knew too for a good 10 yrs of ur life?) used to tell me when I was much younger and very much into buying the 8days magazines or some other magazines... he said that whatever amount I spent on those magazines, be sure I was ready to put in the same amount for the masjid. Can you imagine... being told as a kid that for an 80cents magazine, I should put in 80cents aside for the mosque too.

That simple comment stuck with me eversince.

It is something we could think about each time we feel like indulging. I am not saying that we cannot indulge sometimes (come on, we are women and we work hard for our money!) hehe ... but I guess the lesson here is, if we are willing to spent that much $$ on some Wordly material, would we be just as willing to part that same $$ for the cause of Allah?

If we cant, then maybe it is better we spent on something that cost less, and still be able to give to the mosques, homes etc.

OR ... we could always wait for a darn GOOD SALE !!

K. KiN

nor said...


you are not alone, it's tough be a really good wife.
reality check: we are human, we tend to make mistakes.
there'll be no such things as perfect wife ..fm my almost 13years of marriage..ive learnt a lot..but mistakes still ocurred..
just dont stop making supplications to HIM and hopefully we are able to minimise watever our wrongdoings.

hope this help. :)

Ummi's BLOG said...

aww, thnx for the advise. I dint expect it, just wanted to blare out.. niway, huggies to all of u...

K.kin..... nana chik is right. v true. Im ashamed. wish he was still ard so that i can call him and talk.

Anonymous said...

hey dear.. first .. you are so right about Coach.. i am simply in love with the bags and designs and kalau boleh semua design i nak.. but..i also cannot bear to spend loads of money on material goods..( though some pple think i do ! ) so i usually either go on ebay where you can get the Genuine goods at 1/4 of the price ataupun susah sangat just buy good grades imitation lah.. hehe that is if you dun mind.. and who is to know right ;) Anyway about the hubby thing.. yes you so right.. it is hard Not to be so stubborn but i have alhamdulillah learnt a very impt lesson in life recently and has since decided to mellow down..and not as hard headed ( though at times, i still insist on certain things done my way if i absolutely think its better, though i do think its best to talk to our hubbies at the right time and using the right tone cos they are the man of the house anyway ) i want to be a good wife, a soleha one and make him proud and glad that he has choosen me to be his wife..insya'Allah :) but these are just my thoughts.. dun worry.. i guess it is all a learning process and im sure insya'Allah..kalau niat kita baik, Allah will guide us . :) -id-

Ummi's BLOG said...

hmm.. ebay? okie..i shall try that. at least a cheaper version wont make me feel so guilty..
i simply still cant get the Coach bag out if my mind..cos i work hard for my $$ so i still feel sometimes i must spend smtg special on myself, not always save it aje.

yea, its a learning process, niat is v impt kan.. just lucky that we have patient and loving hubbies..instead of those hot tempered ones.

: )