Words from my Heart....

2012-01-26T09:21:00.003+08:00

Ive moved....to somewhere similar, yet different.

www.ummilovesyou.blogspot.com

The one where I'm being Positive...

2011-12-01T11:18:00.001+08:00

A week has passed, the current maid seems to progress a little. She understands the housework, she just don't understands the kids much.
She is quite fierce to them, and I have to keep telling her to love them like they are her own siblings.
Maybe a little strictness to the kids is good.
The kids are a little protected and pampered, but they are good kids no doubt.

I'm still waiting for the experienced helper to comes. My own fear sometimes overtake the actual situations at times.
I fear that the new older maid will resent me telling her what to do, and I fear I don't have the kind of control
that I have on my younger in-experience maid.
But I am the employer right, and I have the right to train her to do things my way.

I really pray this new one is a stayer, if I could get a helper that wants to stay long term with my family, that the problem is solve.
I want to work cos I have a good job, one which uses my brains all the time.
It would be a pity to quit my profession to be a housewife, though a housewife is a very noble profession on its own.
I love to spend, I love to shop. I love to be generous to people.
Without a job, it would be hard for me to do all those.

I have to be realistic.

Singapore is so expensive and everything is so tempting.
Its not as if my hubby earns really big bucks that he can give lots of $$ a month for my own spending right.....
I realised, this issue of being a housewife with always comes afloat when my kids are in sadness and they need me.
But when they are happy and well settled, I don't even think about the issue of being a stay-at-home mom.

I just have to go through each day, each challenges, as a working mom, praying that Allah protects us and makes the path to the afterlife and to Jannah easy for us. I know, my issue is faced my many working mothers. Its not a new issue and its not an unsolvable one.

I have to be positive.

I have to be strong for the sake of my hubby and family. I know, my hubby loves me to go out and work and we have a good comfortable life. For that, I have to sacrifice my desire to always be with my kids.

Its not all bad, I do spend time with the after work and during the weekends. In fact, we do alot of activities together like playing at the park and going to restaurants to feast! Its just the weekdays that they are separated from me for a good 10 hrs or so.

Well, we cant get everything in life. The people who have everything might not really have everything if you really look into their lives. Allah gives us something, and he Takes away something.

I may have a naughty hyper active son, but at least I have a son.
I may have to work and be separated from them during the day, but at least I get to see them at night....

Think about all the prisoners whose mothers are housewives. Were they not supposed to be successful because their mothers are at home to monitor them?

Think about all the women who have to duty travel for work and don't get to tuck their kids in bed. At least I get to put my kids to bed.

Think about all those having difficulty finding the perfect jobs when I have one yet, I am not thankful enough.

Ok now I'm being positive.. hehe, I can imaging hubby loving this entry, as he is a very positive person.

Lets just wait and see how the experience maid handle things and how she can cope with the kids...

For now, God Willing, I will be fine....

2011-11-21T18:10:00.001+08:00

Since our smart and efficient helper left 3 weeks ago, our lives have been going through an emotional roller coaster.

Firstly, we definitely had separation anxiety with her. Secondly, the new helper has been rather terrible, making things even more worse. Not that I want to compare them, but really, we need a helper with the basic intelligence of helper knowledge.....

I guess, asides from going to the agency to choose another helper, all that we can do now is to go through each day at a time.

Unfortunately, its has been everyday that the helper makes some sort of mistakes. Some are small mistakes and some are really big ones. I can tell her IQ is not as high as our previous helper, and her confidence level is rather low too. She seems to have redden eyes all the time, and I have been telling her to be strong and not to be scared as I wont eat her up!!....I wont you know, I'm rather nice to these helpers.....I know what they go through to get here. All I am asking for is effort and sincerity in taking care of the kids and household.

Its bad enough she cant handle the kids activeness...She seems to be confuse all the time. I keep having to pull her aside for a pep talk every now and then to give her encouragement to survive......

and I thought I was the soft one here!

I don't wanna write about her mistakes. It has been rather horrific but thankfully the kids are OK despite getting less attention and love from the helper. Ive chosen another helper. She will come end of December....

May God Help us, cos really, its wearing me down. She cant handle the kids, so I have to handle them when I'm at home. And me being always tired, is feeling extra tired and stress cos I don't really get the full assistance that I used to get....

You know, sometimes I wish I can be a housewife, than I wont have to face maid problems...

But I cant...I cant... He wont let me... he don't think I can be a good Housewife, he don't think I can survive.... and we need the extra income......the car has been important to us.....a real big help.

Abang didn't really do well in K1. His school system is rather competitive...There are really smart kids in his class now, unlike the previous school. He didn't do well in Iqra too. He is smart by Lazy they say.

Hubby has been losing his patients these days...Ive never seen him this stress. We've been fighting. Ive been trowing things......i feel better when I throw things. I trow things at my cupboard.....so there is a loud thud, and my hubby knows I'm serious....*shakes head*..... Its been a long while since we both behave this way.....

and The days goes by bloggy, I hope to hold my sanity for the sake of my kids.....my face, just looks tired.... just as I was starting to enjoy life and be positive.

and........I pray it will be better tomorrow.

2011-10-27T10:06:00.003+08:00

Last night, I was awoken by some worries.

I checked my phone, its 4am. Somehow, It felt as if it was already 6am.
Although glad that I could it wasnt time for me to wake up for work, my heart felt heavy to think about Abang and his future.
Abang has some nasty habits. Despite counselling, talking nicely, talking angrily, beating him, he still hasnt shake off this habit.

As the worries took over my calm mind, I sat on my bed, praying, that Allah will protect my son and change him to be a better person.

Insya'Allah......I must have faith.

2011-10-24T13:03:00.004+08:00

Finally, a smart phone user...

Alhamdullilah...

Hubby, Thank u so much!

.... <3

2011-10-22T12:10:00.003+08:00

Sitting in the Train on the way to work this morning, reading "Desperate in Dubai" feeling fascinated yet disgusted at the same time with the lives of these rich middle eastern women, I was lost in my own world to say the least.

Just randomly, I looked up.....and....there he was, boyish, Indian muslim, obviously younger, looking at me, he let out a shy smile.

My heart skipped a beat, I turned away. . .

*** BLUSH ***

Being Perpetually Pregnant, topped with a puffy face, the look was something I would never have dreamt off seeing....

Still, it felt GOOD, in the most Wrong of Ways.....

: P

2011-10-21T15:19:00.003+08:00

Its nearly the end of Oct.
Sad, very sad that my first ever helper is returning to her kampung Cilacap, for good... to get married.
The kids would miss her terribly.....esp Adik.
Siti, has been fast, reliable, truthful and loving. Not to forget Patient. V Patient with the kids.

I pray to you, Ya Allah, please give me a good if not a better replacement. Please allow my kids to warm up fast to the new helper. To Allah, I seek help and protection. Amiin.

2011-10-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

I am down with really bad flu....
I am in the office....
Gosh I feel sick! and sleepy!
wish I could just lie on my bed right now...I wonder why dont I just go and see the DR to take MC?

2011-10-14T08:39:00.001+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Its friday....
A blessed day to begin blogging again,
Insya'Allah......
Never say Never ....haha... thats so true....
I thought I wont be blogging again, now I am. and I never thought I would go back to working with my ex-company and the airlines, now I am....wooh....We really dont know whats in store for our future yah? We can only Pray for the best path, do our best to ensure we are on the right path....

: )

The kids are bigger now, new and greater challenges in life, bigger responsibilities....
I feel scared sometimes, but I leave it in the hands of GOD.
Though, I do worry just as much.
I plan to keep blogging more about my own feelings rather than stories about my kids.
I realised, its better to keep it that way, unless there is somethings about them that I am willing to share on this blog.....

Allah knows best.....
Peace and blessings to our prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Last Entry ....

2010-10-24T07:33:00.003+08:00

PEACE YO YO YO!! ~ FROM ABANG N ADIK.

ABANG N ADIK SLEEPING DURING THE HAUL AT MASJID SHAH ALAM

Alhamdullilah, Allah (swt) has given me life to wake up this morning to do the things I need and to strive even more to be a better Muslimah.

My purpose of opening my laptop today and to blog is really to close this blog and to end the chapters of my blogging life, yet it suddenly dawned on me that I really MISS my blog.

"Oh Bloggy...you don't know how many times I thought about you and wished I could blog about whatever exciting and spectacular things that I was going through in my daily life yet I could not find the time.

Adik wakes up really early even on weekends and is really clingy to me. She's like that cos on week days, she sees me only for a couple of hours as I have long days at work.

Abang, cant see the laptop on as he will jump up and down for Starfall.com or some videos on YouTube.

Not to mention, Ive been cooking, marketing, reading, etc so all these took paramount in my daily list of things to do in the weekend.

So I guess, that's partly the reason, Ive been abandoning you, Bloggy. "

Life it seems is full of challenges. Alhamdullilah, hubby and kids are doing well and we are happy. We still visit the Habaibs when they come and visit. We bring the kids still for their Duas and make effort in ensuring our kids are in the best of companies. We do not act 'kiasu' and are rather casual at their education level though I know its high time I get strict with Abang during his study activities.

We just got back from Masjid Shah Alam for the Haul of Imam Abdullah AlHaddad. It was a great family trip in which I am praying will last till my last breath and continue within my children's heart as a family tradition. Hubby drove up and we saw familiar faces during the haul. Masjid Shah Alam was enormous and Beautiful. I wished we had masjids like that in Singapore.

Now that we are back, another Habaib from Hadramaut is here and we have been going for his ceramah ever since. Tonight will be the last at our favourite Masjid Abdul Razak after solat Isyak.

If there is any readers reading, I'm sure you know this is not the place to get the schedule's anymore since I am too busy to update anything. I have to learn for my own knowledge now, so please make the effort to attend this ilmu gatherings. Habib Khadim said yesterday, attending these majlis Ilmu is better than praying for 1000 years and seeing off 1000 jenazahs and visiting 1000 sick people. So going for majlis Ilmu is HUGE pahala and insya'allah, we all get the barakah from anything Good that we do.

Personal wise, I am given a huge Test from Allah. The person very close to me is facing some HUGE crisis and sickness, and HER problem is My problem and I am praying the problem will subside by next year. Its nearly 2 years since my and Hubby have to help with this Problem and it is really draining us yet we Cannot Give Up due to Filial Piety.

With That Said, I extend my Salaams to anyone reading this blog and to my Bloggy as well. I miss all of you, my readers, my friends, my use-to be- blogger friends and wishes peace and happiness for all.

Amiin.

2010-08-15T09:18:00.001+08:00

This image doesn't really do justice to its beauty...Its actually the

FIREWORKS display we managed to catch for

Singapore's 45th National Day....

The kids really loves to watch the Fireworks, so am really glad that every year without fail,

Hubby and me would make arrangements to bring the kids to watch the fireworks.

Abang loves it..and Adik too, she just smiles when she watched it....

This year, since we didn't know how to get very close to the Padang, we decided to do our magrib prayers at Masjid Sultan, then try and walk out as near as possible to the Padang.

While walking, we found this open field near Parkview SQ which could give us a wide view of the Fireworks...

So we sat and we wait and so did many other groups of people....

At 8.15pm exactly, we caught the fireworks display much to the kids happiness...

Well, this is what makes Ummi happy...its when the Kids are happy.....

: )

xoxoxox

Ramadhan Mubaraq

2010-08-15T09:03:00.000+08:00

Salaam Ramadhan from Ummiloveyou.blogspot.com

2010-07-28T09:24:00.002+08:00

I let him go for for his first excursion today! Wooh! My boy is 4!!

xoxoxoxoxox

7 Things....

2010-07-12T04:28:00.000+08:00

Inspired by the intelligent blogger Hajar:

Share 7 Things about Myself :

1. I am busy with work because I work 3 saturdays a month...I dont have time to Facebook anymore....I am always trying to catch up on my spiritual journey...Its amazing I can blog at this hour...probably cos I am watching the World Cup finals and find it a waste of time if I dont multi-task at the same time....

2. Currently also busy with coaching my 4 year old son with his writing and Iqra'. Not Good at all......stressfull...and he is only 4!!!

3. I love reading Biographies...cos Im curious about the way people live their lives (kepo lah tu)...currently reading the life of Sheikh Muzaffar Shukor Al Masri - Malaysia's first cosmonaut.

4. Been curtain hunting alot these days...They are so expensive. Where can I actually get good yet cheap curtains? hah....

5. I miss my life before I had kids, but I am thankful for them non the less.

6. I try to compromise with my hubby's liberal yet religious lifestyle..go figure!

7. Yes, I love food, but am slim and the fats just simply go right to my ever bloated tummy.... sobbs... I HATE DOING CRUNCHES....

XOXOXOX

2010-07-04T06:43:00.001+08:00

Dear Bloggy....

I know this is long overdue...

hee3

been buzy with work...mum was sick....hospitalised.....

bz with some other stuff.... when will it end..?

insya'allah praying hard, next year will be a better year....

leaving you with pictures from our holiday to Redang in May 2010....

Location: Laguna Redang Resort

Mode of Transport: Berjaya Air from Seletar Airport

Loved the beach!! Blue Beach!! Amazing underwater creatures....

Hubby dived deep in the sea...and took snorkeling pictures....

He wants to go back there again next year....

The sand was so white...almost like clay.....

Subahan'allah....

xoxoxox

Abang relaxing by the poolside....When you have the bread, the fishes will come....Our big beachfront room.....With 2 single beds for the kids.....The view from our room...Blue sea!!Adik in one of the boat ride to the marine park.....Snorkelling among the fishes.....Hubby on the banana boat.....The ATR Propellar plane we took from Seletar Airport......Kids had an adventure on this trip.... There was a plane ride and a boat ride as well.....

2010-05-23T14:59:00.001+08:00

kids choosing luggages at the luggage section of Mustafa Ctr.

Hubby bought a huge luggage that fits all our clothes.....

cos....We r leaving on a propeller plane....

Really pray that the kids can behave on board their maiden plane journey....

Its my first time too on board a propeller plane : )

Insya'allah...May Allah swt protect us.....

Ummi is still around....

2010-05-16T07:48:00.002+08:00

Just busy with the kids....

haha....

I miss u bloggy!!

Maybe one liners now? Just words from my heart...random ones...

Yati, I wanted a different set of purple but Blogger was limited.

Well, this will do for now....

I miss u all, Thanks for emailing and asking about me. I'm no longer active on FB too....

Its work. We work hard there.....Sometimes I feel crampy at the chest.

Its the kids too......loads of attention.

Abang: sweet, understands better, stubborn, active, still giving me "heart attacks"....

Adik: sweet, manjakani, infectious smile, active, likes to imitate her brother, joyful, lovable, Abah's princess.

...............and There is this huge problem or Test that I am given....by the AlMighty. Oooo U would never guess this and I probably will never tell on this Blog. Pray for me yar....

Love Ya!!!

2010-05-14T09:37:00.000+08:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION......

STAY TUNED.......

LOTS OF LOVE

UMMI

ESQ 165 - I miss this song and our dance!

2010-04-05T09:25:00.002+08:00

Demi Matahari - Surah Asy Shams.

Alhamdullilah, I had just finish this 3 days course - ESQ 165 @ Furama Hotel.
Masya'allah...a life changing event.... never before had I known Allah Subahanawata'allah like I do now...
Benar2 Benar aku Bersyukur kepada Allah atas Taufiq dan Hidayah nya...

( i will write abt this experience...insya'allah)

The kids and our handy mamu... : )

2010-03-07T19:51:00.000+08:00

Abang playing an antique trumpet at the 'DULU DULU" antique shop....

Abang solat jemaah at Masjid Abdul Razak...Can you spot him disturbing the other boys??? Sighhhhh.......

Mamu Yassin our "handy ~~man~~ mamu"...offering us the customary welcome tea at the antique shop..our latest pitstop after I shop for shawls at Arab St..hehe.....our latest past time on Saturdays after work. I love u Mamu!!!

Abang and Adik at their study table....abang using his laptop..hur hur hur...like real aje..heh.

adik....15 Months...

2010-03-07T19:30:00.003+08:00

Adik has grown so much....she is learning alot from her active brother.....alhamdullilah, so far, mothering her has been a joy since the day she was born.....

She loves to play, bath, eat ....she loves birds, cats, dogs, ducks....she loves to swim!!! cool baby!

Adik @15 MTHS....

Love you Baby!!!

My Habib @ Arab St...

2010-02-28T06:52:00.000+08:00

Its been so long since hubby and me sat down for a chat with the Habib.....

Masya'allah.....yesterday, Allah (swt) allowed our paths to meet again and we sat with him...catching up on our lives...
Habib was our witness at our Niqah.... Alhamdullilah, 4 years on, we have not dissappoint him. Alhamdullilah.

The tea....perfume....advises...and Mamu Yassin!! yeah Mamu Rocks...!! He repaired our faulty aircon controller for us for free...who would have thought that he could do it....
This is what you call Rezeki that Allah (swt) bless us with....

I love my Habib....!!

Jan...Feb....2010

2010-02-21T16:26:00.001+08:00

New Job...Alhamdullilah...my main focus right now other than family life.

Helper....Alhamdullilah....

Kids....Alhamdullilah, coping....

Abang...still needs alot of reminding

Adik...getting active.

Marriage....trying my best to be .... The Good Wife....dont think I am one yet.

Blog Hopping...Non existent...

Friends...sometimes. Miss them.

Family...trying to save what is left.

2009 Problems.....still on going.....Masya'Allah....It hurts.

Schedule....Bz.....

Maulid Season.... brings me peace....

Shawls....latest hobby.

Wondering if I should continue with this abandone blog of mine which I love so much.....still thinking.

Life....hopes to move forward...

Insya'Allah.....

Abang...

2009-12-31T07:04:00.014+08:00

As I am writing this blog post, I could feel in my heart,
so much love for my son, a love only a mother could feel and understand...

It is indeed a blessing to be a mother, despite the challenges and the fatigue of taking care of the little one, all negative sides will disappear when you get to see the smile on the little one face.

This is going to be a warm and loving entry about my son, Abang or Little Habib as he was once know on this blog of mine.
I will never forget 'Little Habib'.... He was why this blog was created for in the first place.

Abang is no longer the small boy that he was. Yes, he is still small but oh my, he can blow you away when he talks. He will leave you speechless at time.
He is what you would call a "Mak Nenek + a Thoughtful Gentleman".

Abang can talk very well at 3years 5 months of age, and he speaks in sentences, sometimes with over exaggerated facial expressions.
I guess he learnt alot of talking just by being close to my mum. My mum spends alot of time talking to him or I would say in Malay, she 'layan' him when he talks so it actually made him a very imaginative talker.

Abang loves cartoon, he is hooked on Cartoon Network and Playhouse Disney and can tell you all about the cartoons there. His current favourite cartoon I would say has to be Tom and Jerry. He wants to do what Tom does to Jerry to his little sister and thats scary.

Abang dreams of being a Policeman and also an Airline Pilot when he grows up, but I have been telling him to be a children's Doctor so that he can make alot of money!...haha....
But I have always advised him, no matter what he wants to be, I will support him as long as he is a person with Iman. "Son, you wanna be a policeman, sure.... as long as you are a policeman with Iman."

Abang is still as naughty, but not when he was at the "terrible 2" phase. He still makes noise in the masjid, still wants loads of attention and still screams and shouts when he feels like it.
Ive learnt to relax abit because what can you expect from a 3 year old boy whose brain is just too active. I am very sure he does not have ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder, because I have done alot of research about that and my instinct tells me he is just 1 ordinary boy who is just naughty and I am praying hard, Abang will grow out of this soon and becomes a good and mature boy.
Each day, Hubby and me frowns and wonders when will Abang change to be a good and disciplin boy. I guess when that day come, we will shed a tear and say 'Alhamdullilah' with a smile.

Abang loves to talk, read and play. Abang can talk non stop in the car from Singapore to JB. Im serious!

He loves to run and I am encouraging him to try athletics.

Despite all that braveness, Abang is also a 'scardy cat' when it comes to ghosts and insects and dark places. He is what you may call a 'Hero Kampung'.

Each day, I spank him
Each day, I scold him
but I also love him and hug him and spend time entertaining his thoughts of becoming 'Ben Ten' and what nots.....

I wont feel complete without Abang in my life..and Im sure my family feels the same way about him. No matter how 'geram' we are with him, we still look for him when he is not around..

Oh my son,
Ummi prays that you will grow up to be a righteous man who is a gem in the society.
Life will not be easy, especially in your time....
It is with Ilmu and Iman that will help you through this life
Ummi hope you will do well
and do pray for Ummi and Abah when we are no longer around,
That is what Ummi and Abah hope for, that we leave this world with children who are Solehins.
Now, thats a worthy Legacy.
Insya'allah.

The holidays are over....
Time to study my boy....
Ummi have done my best to keep your over active mind entertained during this December Hols.

We had activities every weekend, and we are ending our hols with a picnic this weekend, but first, let me share with you what fun, Abang had during his school break.

It may not be an expensive getaway, but it was indeed filled with so much love,
priceless moments spent with his Ummi, Abah and Adik.

Abang feeding the goats at the Singapore Zoo. It was sooo much fun cos the goats were hungry and the big goats were bullying the small goats to get the food and we were trying to feed the small goats only...Abang had fun and didnt wanna stop.

Abang and his Aunty Nurul having fun at the Zoo's water park. I wish I could join in the fun as well but too bad, I had to sit at the side looking after Adik.

Abang feeding the fishes at the Kid's Kampung at Pasir Ris. He loved it when the fishes splash water on him.

Abang feeding the ducks as well. He also fed the rabbits and the chickens. It was a good experience for an urban kid who rarely get to be around farm animals.

We brought Abang to see the Cristmas Lights at Orchard Road. This was at the huge Cristmas Tree near Paragon.

Swimming at Siloso Beach Resort where we spend a day to relax.

Abang said he enjoyed the shower area the most. Press and water came out! Hee.

Abang loves to swim but he is still afraid of deep waters.

Abang's signature pose. Enjoying breakfast the the hotel.

Strolling along Siloso Beach....

Lastly, we visited the huge inflated Ball pool at Changi Airport Terminal 3 a few times. Abang loved it and didnt wanna stop.

Changes....

2009-12-28T07:34:00.006+08:00

Verily, In the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.....

A huge change....

I'm struggling to get use to someone new in my house.....Although all seems fine now, I pray that things will stay this way.

I'm trying to embrace our new life, bravely, yet why do I still feel scared?

I am praying hard that all goes well and we will get use to things in 2010. I am trying to seek Allah more now because I feel scared. I am wondering how do I really feel at peace with what is happening around me, and just leaving all my worries with God. It takes alot of faith for that to happen.

Found some peace in my heart during the Majlis Burdah with Habib Hassan Alkaff from Indonesia at Masjid Sultan last Saturday night.....

Yet, I am also sad that Habib Umar bin Hafiz will not be coming to Singapore this Muharram. He will still travel to Malaysia and Indonesia...

I have so much to say about my son, Abang. He is growing and changing yet, still cheeky and naughty, he is much more loving now....I can see abit of growing up in him....

I will end my last post of 2009 all about Abang soon...Insya'allah.....

Burdah night..... Met some friends during this majlis.... Really loved the burdah and the qashidas. Syeikh Affefudin Al-Jailani was amongst the speakers.

Abang enjoyed the qashidas too, and loved playing with his new friend, Abdul Rahim... I snapped some funny poses of them in my hp camera....what funny kids they are.

Adik's 1st Birthday...

2009-12-16T13:32:00.005+08:00

Time flies doesn't it.....?,

I remember being pregnant for the 3rd time in my life (the 2nd was a miscarriage), finding out the baby in me was a girl and went absolutely happy and thankful.

I remember going through 9 months of morning sickness.

I remember clearly the time hubby took me to East Shore Hospital the day I delivered Adik, it was a Wednesday night on the 10th day of the month, after Magrib.....

I remember cleaning her first poop together with Hubby and Alice at the hospital, something which I was scared to do. heh.

I remember caring for Adik during confinement days on my own while Mak cared for Abang,...

I remember having Post Natal Depression...and fighting it.

I remember caring for her when she had her first fever, first diarrhoea, first cough and cold.

I remember feeding her milk non stop till I really felt as if I was 'mother moo'.

I remember cooking her first porridge, feeding her meals, and eating my own meals with her on my lap because there were times when no one else was free enough to care for her.

I remember bringing her for her operation, just days before her birthday.

And now, Adik is already 1 year old. Masya'Allah.

Going through the memories, of caring for this little child, I have nothing but fond memories of it. Alhamdullilah, Adik has been such an easy baby to take care of. Most probably, God knows my strength, that I was gonna take care of this baby without much help, so HE made it easy for me.

For Adik's first birthday, because the people around us were busy, and we had just spent some of our savings for the December holiday activities, we decided not to hold a big celebration like when it was Abang's time.

No fancy number 1 shape cake, no invitations for the guest, no birthday songs. This time, again, Mak made her signature Pulut Kuning, (something she makes when she is thankful for something).

Since Adik's birthday fell on a thursday Night, the night where the men at Masjid Abdul Razak read Maulid, Tahlil and Doa Selamat, we sent the Pulut Kuning and some food to the mosque and gave Adik's name to the Imam to read during the Doa Selamat.
Alhamdullilah, Hubby attended the event and he told me the Imam read Adik's name and made prayers for her to have good health and to grow up as a solehah. Amiin.

Thank you Mak for making this pulut for your little grand daughter. It looks and taste very delicious. Well done!

The men at the mosque were so delighted to feast on the pulut kuning. Its not everyday that they get Pulut after the doa selamat. They even read Pantuns first before feasting on the pulut. Everyone was happy and ultimately, thats what hubby and me want.

* Thanks also to hubby's siblings who bought an ice-cream cake, some clothes and some stuff bears for Adik. The mini gathering and cake cutting at Nani's house which was not planned at all was a wonderful surprise.

Alhamdullilah.

Alhamdullilah!

2009-12-01T06:52:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Adik was operated yesterday Monday at 8am, Mount Elizabeth Hospital by Dr Chui Chan Hon.
The surgery took slightly longer than expected as there were complications but with Allah's (swt) Mercy, the Dr managed to fix the problem and Adik is Hernia Free now.
Dr Chui said we were lucky to bring her to the hospital on time else she might have lost her overies. SubahanAllah.

Thanks to cuzin Id and good friend Ummu Mukhtaar who took a look at the hernia area and alerted me not to take this lightly.
Alhamdullilah.

I must say, Adik was scared, but all she did was whimper quietly and hugged her smelly pillow. Oh that smelly pillow is useful in times of need I tell ya.... and she cringed her face and made sure either me or hubby hold her thighly.

When we entered the op teater, the bed was a small one. So cute. The DR blew bubbles while the anesthetists put the small gas mask on her to get her to fall asleep for the op. It was rather fast as she was asleep within 3 breath and I was also feeling calm.
No crying like I imagined I would. Hubby and me went for breakfast than we waited patiently at the lounge during the 1 hour 15mins op.

After the op, Adik was put on observation in the Day Surgery ward, where she slept and drink BM till she was fit to go home. Good Girl.

I couldn't be more thankful.

Syukran Jazillan for all the Duas whoever you are. * SMILE*

Eid Adhar 1430

2009-11-29T16:04:00.002+08:00

Our Eid celebrations were minimal.

We were trying our best to make Adik feel more comfortable.
The Hernia seems worse these days while waiting for the operation. Its like, the moment we knew its Hernia, the more swollen her abdomens became.

Maybe its the cough that aggravated the Hernia. Hubby and me have been trying our best to care for her ourselves. We promised to put effort in getting her cured and we Tawakkal to Allah and seek His help.
The kids looking at the sheep.
We brought the kids to see the sheep at Masjid Darul Aman and Masjid Alkaff. Abang was fascinated to see the sheep.

Hubby and Adik sitting opposite Habib.

We visited Habib Abbas to get air doa for Adik's and we seek his Dua for her. With the Blessings of a Pious man, we hoped Allah (swt) will heal our daughter's sickness. Amiin.

Adik needs to go for Surgery.

2009-11-26T10:12:00.007+08:00

My heart feels heavy.....

We found out 2 days back that Adik has Hernia and she has to go for surgery.

The surgery date is fixed for next week and Adik needs to be put to sleep under the general anesthetic for the 1 hour operation.
We hope, she can go back on the same day as the DR says that if all goes well, it will only be a day surgery and after 4 hours of observation, we can bring her back.

During the check at clinic, Adik was crying so much as she was very scared. She only wanted to cling on to me. Thus, I can imagine how things will be like the moments before she goes in for surgery. She is also required to fast a few hours before the surgery, so Im really lost on what I should do should she wants her milk. What the nurse advise me was to feed her a very full meal at night, and last milk at 2am.

I've done loads of research on Hernia for babies yesterday and I wished I was more observant and concern about that swelling that she has at her abdomens area on and off since a few months back. I did touch the swelling a few times when she had it but since she didnt cry, and since the swelling will go off after a while, I just let it go....until we saw a really big one some nights ago that we decided we should really get it checked.

But these things r planned and Allah (swt) is the best of Planners and if the surgery needs to be next week, it shall be.

The Positive side to this is that Dr Chui is an experienced surgeon and he said that he has done a hernia surgery on girls many times. The risks are low and recovery takes about 7 days. There is only a 1 in 1000 chance of any re-occurrence and thank GOD we have medical insurance for Adik.

I wish, I could take her place, as a mother, I wish my daughter dont have to go through this pain. But I also know that Allah (swt) is All Merciful, thus, I am clinging on my faith that this is a test for us and Insya'Allah, our family will get through this. This is only make us stronger. Insya'Allah.

Meantime, Adik is down with high fever and a bad cough. With crying and cough, her Hernia gets worse cos her abdomens are strained. We just hope that within the few days we have till surgery date, she will not be in any kind of danger from the hernia because if the hernia gets stuck and the swelling cannot go down, than there is danger.

For any readers who happen to pass by my blog, do read a prayer for my doll face little baby Asyura. Barely 1 year old, a bubbly and sweet baby is sick.

She cried herself to sleep last night something that she has never done before.

Last week, she wore this dress for the first time and looked like a big girl already.

Ummi love you my baby. My hands will be holding yours...lets be strong together.

"Who's in Charge?"

2009-11-08T08:43:00.008+08:00

"Are'nt you afraid?"

She points to the skies above and said " Who's in charge?"

~~~ Inspired by dear Hajar.

I love this...and will always remember that when Im scared, or when things and people haunt me, I will ~~look up at the sky and~~ say "Allah, you are in charge"...

Hasbiallahu Wa Ni'mal Waqil.

*NOTE* : Allah (The Sacred and The Mighty) is not in a certain place or even needs a place. It is also wrong to say that Allah is everywhere. Read comments for further explanation.

The year 2009...

2009-11-08T08:29:00.004+08:00

2009:

*became housewife for a whole year...

*hospitalised for asthma

*attempted to cook a few dishes, successful with Italian cooking. Cooked Adik's porridge, something I didnt have to do during Abang's porridge eating days.

*handled my baby solely and breastfeed her for a year. Wuhoo!

*still trying our best to discipline Abang, looks like he has mellowed abit but still much work needs to be done with this boy....Headache!

*Abang attends school. Hysterical when he first joined, now he is the "chip" of the block.

*Witness a major destruction. Still praying for a peaceful closure. Sad.

*Witness people who stuck by us (very thankful for the gifts) and also those who left us in times of hardship...hur hur hur. You think I didn't noticed? You Think???

*Worked hard in finding a job. Wasn't easy being a jobseeker who wears the headscarf and has 2 small kids. Its not always you get the job that you really want. Reminded that Rizk is determined by Allah(swt)...

* Hubby drove up to KL with just me and the kids for the first time to attend the haul of Imam Abdullah Alhaddad. It was a good and spiritual trip. Insya'allah we will make it a yearly event with our close friends.

*Got a job through Hubby's contacts. Shows that networking and being friendly is a powerful tool in life.

* Learnt that one should not always stick to Principals. Its best to be generous or your Principals will eat you up one day. Life is not always about Principals. Its best to give and take.

* Looking forward to spend the school holidays with my kids before a new task awaits in 2010.

With the many sadness and joys, I am thankful that I still have my hubby as my patient advisor and my kids who keeps me sane....yes I am. Alhamdullilah.

Approaching a new beginning....

2009-11-08T07:32:00.006+08:00

What can I say, Its been quite a year...

2009 has been for me a year full of ups and downs but Alhamdullilah, holding on to my faith, I have made it through without crumbling to the fullest.

While it has been such a joy looking after Adik for a whole year, breastfeeding her till now, taking care of her every need, I knew at the back of my mind that one day, I would have to be out in the office again working.
Not many would understand why I have to do this, some have critised but its just something hubby and me plans on doing, for the sake of our future aspirations.

Alhamdullilah, after months of job hunting, a few unsuccessful interviews, disappointments, tears, temp jobs and lots of prayers, I managed to land a job with a company whose boss is someone I had first heard about a few years back, eventually met at his open house, and have deep admiration for his effort in being on the path that not many would take. A man who is Generous but keeps a low profile.
The office is near, there are some perks to the job, the people seems nice and alhamdullilah, its next to a mosque. But seriously, I may dread the long hours.

They are welcoming me on board starting 4h Jan 2010, so there is lots to do now to prepare myself.
First and foremost, I'm training Adik to drink milk from the bottle, something she has not done in a long time as her milk comes directly from me. Its been quite a challenge and Adik is frustrated but so far, I have succeeded in 2 occasions, so there is still hope. Insya'allah.

Then there is a need for a helper. Oh Allah, I pray and I cling on to you to help me choose a reliable, responsible and loving helper who will be good to family.

And since I have been on a break for about a year and this job is something new to me, I have been praying hard, reading the Ratib and doing some zikir to prepare myself emotionally and mentally that no matter what, I will try my best to succeed. Give me 5 years before I shall start to really sit down and think about being a Full-Time Housewife.

"Oh my kids, Ummi hopes the both of you will be able to adapt. Dadi and Dada will be around, so will the new helper, but I know the both of you will miss Ummi so much. We might not have our story sessions before your afternoon naps, but Ummi promise that on the days that Ummi is not working, we will spend lots of time catching up about the week. "

I worry for Adik, but I leave her in Allah's (swt) hands..... Its best she turns out independant and not someone like me. As for dear Abang, he will miss me Im sure...but he is also close to his grandparents, so hopefully, he wont be so affected.

2009; I saw something which I never thought I would in my lifetime. The things that happened had taught me and hubby a huge lesson in life and we vow not to be the same like those who chose such a path.
We talked about about the stuff that happened alot and promised to be good role models to our own kids.

Our kids...such innocent beings. Ummi and Abah pray that our family will be strong and good.
Amiin.

Adik and Abang squabbles alot but they also play together when Abang is in a Good Mood. Adik iss the good one, always wanting to play and hug her Abang...but unfortunately her brother can be so dramatic and aloof sometimes. Pfft....

My cute baby button nose..... starting to be active this days..... Its easy to bring her out. Maybe its a girl thing.... : )

The kids loves swimming...just bought Abang a new bathing suit.....

Adik too is very comfortable swimming be it on her boya or when her Abah is holding her.

Eid Mubaraq...

2009-09-25T10:21:00.006+08:00

Eid Mubaraq..... : )

No matter how I try to run away from being involve in the festivities, I tend to love it back again when we relatives and friends meet.....Its always so nice to catch up.

These days, Ive been too caught up with mothering duties that I do not have the time to blog. My journey through motherhood and Ihsan continues to be tested with lots of ups and downs, but Alhamdullilah, I am managing.

The children are such a joy to look after no matter how difficult they can be. Often, when taking care of their fussiness, crankiness and moodiness, I wonder, who else can be more patient than me, their mother. No maid or helper can be as patient as I am or give them as much love as I can, because simply, they are MINE.

I cant wait to go back to the workforce, however, I am worried for Adik as she is clinging on to me like a little monkey. You know what I mean right. I worry for the kids if I were to go back to work, but it must be done in order to achieve our aspirations.

The cure of being worried all the time is to have absolute faith in Allah (swt) and to lay your worries to Allah (swt) only. I noticed, my heart has been more at peace eversince, I started practising this zikir :
Hasbiyal laahu laa ilaaha illa huwa alaihi tawakkaltu wa huwwa Rabbul arshil azeem.

حَسْبِيَ اللّهُ لا إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ وَهُوَ رَبالْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ(129)
say: Allah is sufficient for me, there is no god but He; on Him do I rely, and He is the Lord of mighty power.

With that, I am walking the straight path, trying to be a good mother and person and to do the best I can with whatever that I face. Insya'allah.

Our colour for this Raya is Dark Purple. However, I ditched Adik's purple kebaya for a more comfortable pink blouse for obvious reasons.

Purple is our colour this year. Even Aunty Nurul joined in.

The kids with their 'smelly pillow' which Abang affectionately calls "Babbut"...and they love biting the corners. What can I say... these pillows are "god sent" !

Akhir Ramadhan.

2009-09-15T10:21:00.004+08:00

The view from my bedroom window as I get up to do QiamuLail....

I have a few stories to share actually.
One is.... my encounter with a Muslim Jin as I woke up for Sahur, and another one is.... my depressing take on whats life as a housewife really like. But I guess what I want to remember most when I re read my blog is how I spend 2009’s Ramadan.

Days have passed, like it or not, Ramadhan is leaving us. With much sadness, I can feel the clock ticking and no matter how hard I wish that this blessed month will never end, it has to go.... to make way for Shawal and Eid celebrations.

Emotionally, I am at peace.
I love this month so much and Alhamdullilah, I have put in some effort to dream of attaining a splash of Lailatul Qadr. Some Ulama’ says that if Ramadhan has 29 days, than the night of Lailatul Qadr befalls on the 27th night. Insya’Allah this year, I do what I can to search for it.

Every Thursday night, I go for Terawih Prayers at our favourite mosque – Masjid Abdul Razak. I don’t get to do full 20 rakaats since Adik is crawling around me, but alhamdullilah, I get Isyak + 4 or 6 rakaats of Terawih and that is good enough. I soaked myself in the blessings and that was my main intention of tagging along with the hubby

I love doing the Ramadhan zikr and I love making doa in this blessed month. When hubby is away at the mosque for Terawih prayers, I put the kids to sleep, do some chores, eat abit and than I sit at my sejadah to read some verse of the quran and than I read Ratib Al Haddad. After that I make doa, and sleep around 11 plus. In the wee hours of the morning, I get up at 4.30 am, eat sahur, and than with 2 mugs of plain water, I sit on the sejadah again to zikr n doa till its Subuh. This has been my routine and despite not having time during the day for any long prayers, I am glad there is still time to be close to Allah (swt).

Our Eid preparation this year have been simple. Alhamdullilah, it has never been such moderate like this and it has made me feel what some groups of people feel.

This year, we got baju kurungs for the kids and for hubby. I’ll use the many that I have in my closet. We got matching Jubah Oman for hubby and Little Habib. 1 carpet for the coffee table, 3 Pyrex jars for the crackers and that’s its. Simple.
I feel touched that my mum and sis have sponsored clothes and shoes for my kids. I’ll add them to the list of people who must receive gifts from me once I get a job. Insya’Allah.

The blessings of Ramadhan…its lovely when you can feel it. Masya’allah…its sad and wasteful when you cant.
Barikilla humma lana fi syahri Ramadhan!

Happy Fasting….
Ma'salama

Ramadhan 1430

2009-08-25T10:09:00.002+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Ramadhan has arrived. Ahlan wa Sahlan.

It has been 4 days now. We have been having Iftar at my MIL's house. The food there is nice and comforting.

Alhamdullilah, mak came back from the hospital yesterday. Celebrating Ramadhan without her and without her preparing the food was just melancholic.
Alhamdullilah, now that she is back, I know, my sahur wont only be bread and porridge.

I haven't been able to go to the mosque for Solat Terawih this year. I guess my duties are now bounded to the 2 small kids and with patience, I hope to receive the same blessings that I would receive If i were to spend my nights at the mosque. I miss the atmosphere at Masjid Abdul Razak. They start later as after Isyak, the jemaah will read Ratib Alhaddad first. After 12 Rakaats, the jemaah stops to sing qashidah and then continue.

It hasn't been easy. During each Sahur, both my kids will wake up at the same time while hubby sleeps on.
Adik will cry loudly until she get her fix of BM.
Abang on the other hand, just wants me to lie on the bed with him.
Sometimes I ignore their cries just so I can finish eating...

Abang is doing just fine in school although I am having doubts if he is learning much. We have enrolled him for nursery class for 2010 despite the minor financial difficulty that we are facing. Insya'allah, we can make it.

At 3 years old, he is still very mischievous .....

Adik had a fever of 39.9 degrees on the 1st day of Ramadhan and became very weak, vomiting all her meals. I was so scared that I would lose her. Yar, it was that bad!!

The next day, a tooth popped out. Alhamdullilah she is well now.

AIF!.. Waiting for the blessed month of Ramadhan.

2009-08-07T10:57:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah.... Its Friday....!

Compared to my last entry, I guess I am feeling much more thankful now. Not that I am looking forward to anything spectacular besides the month of Ramadhan.
I cant wait to soak myself in the blessings that Ramadhan brings. Will make lots of Doa.

Unfortunately, I cant be bothered about Syawal, cant be bothered about the spring cleaning and ordering the cookings and cakes, cant be bothered about getting new clothes or housing items. My heart is only with Ramadhan and frown at me all you want, but really, I am not looking forward to celebrating Eid.
Eid is just a picture of tiredness, endless visitings, cranky Adik in Baju Kurung, active Abang who cant stop running and drinking gassy drinks and so much wastefullness. : /
I used to love Eid celebrations and meeting my relatives. Hmm....
+++

We were at Masjid Abdul Razak for Malam nisfu Sya'aban. Alhamdullilah, felt happy seeing Abang eating nasi Briyani with Hubby. Felt calm listening to Surah Yaasin and Tahlil. Felt blessed saying Amiin to the Doa made by the Imam.

+++

Feeling thankful that Hubby and his friends got to be with Habib Ali of Batu Pahat yesterday. Masya'allah, they managed to read Ratib AlHaddad at Habib Ali's home as well as spend about half and hour chatting with Habib Ali.
The last time they visited, Habib only came out for a minute. Im glad Hubby has good-hearted friends.

Habib Ali reminded them Not to miss their prayers, Continue making lots of Istigfar as Allah (swt) is Forgiving, and to make lots of Sedeqah and to help the poor or needy with our wealth.

Although I feel happy that hubby get to spend time with Habib, sat next to the Habib and touch his hands, I also feel jealous that I cant get close to these Habaibs cos I am a women.
I long to be with the Alims and Pious. I miss looking, hugging and holding my Ustazah. I miss being in Majlis Ilmu and be amongst the humble.
The world seems so dirty these days. Most are going after the worldly materials and comparing wealth and belongings with one another.
Still I am thankful, I still know lots of ladies and men who are striving to do well for the Hereafter....

+++

Its a Friday. I am waiting for Ramadhan...a few more days. I miss the zikirs. I could just cry picturing the nightly Ibadah.

+++
Adik at 8 months is now clingy and does not sleep so much during the day. Does not like being left alone and wish to be carried most time. She can crawl and move around fast too.

Hubby bought a hand held blender for Adik's porridge. I use it to blend the porridge into a puree. So much more convenient than using the big blender. Should have gotten it durings Abang's porridge eating days!

Salaams Juma'ah.

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad.

IInnallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ.

(Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

AIF!.... Tired..exhausted...whats new?

2009-07-31T15:23:00.011+08:00

Eversince Adik came into our lives, I have been feeling exhausted.
Sure there are joys, happiness and laughter, but I find myself feeling exhausted everyday.

Taking care of 2 small children on my own is really hard work. I don't complain to anyone except to hubby sometimes, and not long ago, when my dad asked me if I can cope with 2 kids, I gave a confident " Of Coz!!"...heh...I was only kidding myself.

There is never a moment that I am truly resting and not doing anything. Even when I am taking a nap, my brains are thinking of my next duties. Even when I sleep at night, I get woken up every few hours for milking duties.
Even when Im taking a bath, I do it fast cos the kids are waiting for me. I try my best to enjoy the Moroccan Rose shower foam that my friend gave me but sometimes, even before I can have some well deserved aroma therephy, I have to wash it off for the kids are .... (you guessed it).... waiting!

My mum always tell me, its better to face hardship now so that when both the kids grow up at the same time, things will be much easier.

Many of my friends also tell me not to regret my decision to have another child this quick. "Don't regret, move forward." They say.

Its not that I regret, but sometimes, I cannot hide the fact that I am tired.... with chasing and fussing about Abang, and constantly feeding Adik, that people can tell that I am not really happy.

Yesterday, after a full day of trying to discipline Abang and forcing him to eat his meals, I felt so breathless that I nearly fainted in the car!

Maybe, its due to us being "maidless" for the past 1 week, caring and being worried for Mak's health and holding the full responsibility of looking after my kids that really got me so drained. Gosh..I am soooo soft.

Well Alhamdullilah, my parents new helper is here today. So far, she looks smart and not 'Blur'. That's good and she tells me she loves kids and can handle them well. She seems to be a fast learner. Experienced. Hopefully, she's a keeper.

xxx

Alhamdullilah, I managed to visit Maqam Habib Nuh last Sunday morning. We went as a family of 4. I had a hard time making doa beside the maqam as my dear son, cant sit still and wanted to touch and pull everything within sight. But I did my best, even prayed Solat Sunat Dhuha at the masjid area.

I made Doa with my eyes close and palms raised. I asked for whats best for me. I left my worries in God's hands.

I haven't been happy in a long time... I have been tired for awhile now. Truly, I miss lots of things.
But being sad only made me think of Allah (swt) more and brought me closer to him. Sis Muna said this on FB :
"A calamity that makes you turn to Allah is better for you than a blessing which makes you forget the remembrance of Allah."
I truly truly agree.... I love Ustazah Muna...She's an angel on this earth. Masya'allah,

Ahlan wa Sahlan Ya Sya'aban. A few more days to the day of Nisfu Sya'aban where our report books goes up. I am waiting for that night where our doas reach up and are not rejected.

I'm tired. The kids have awoken from their naps. Time to start mothering duties again. Heh...U understand right....?

I'll let the pictures do the talking now.

I snapped this picture of Adik when I got up last morning. She can stand at her cot and look at us sleeping on the bed now. Its time to lower the cot....

My kids....Waiting for the day Abang can learn to behave and listen to our instructions. He is so cheeky now and his life is all about his own rules.

Cooked porridge for Adik. This will be her lunch and 5pm dinner. Always thinking of what other ingredients I can put in for her porridge. Fish, Chicken, Mince meat etc etc....Thanks Ummu Mukhtaar and Ummu Ahmad Farouq for guiding me.

I also enjoy making friend Macaroni for our late supper. I am beginning to like simple cooking. Now we have eggs and rice in our kitchen something we never had before cos I dont cook at our home. To a new beginning!

Each day, when I have the time, I make vegetable soup for my mum. She has to watch her diet now. No more sugar, salt and oil...just plain veggies. Poor Mum.

Cookings Adik's porridge and Mak's veggie soup is now a routine in the morning.

Finally made nice fish porridge for Adik. The trick was to add ginger, onions and garlic to remove the fishy taste. Love you ladies for guiding me. What are friends for eh!

Abang listening to mum reciting quranic verses.

Do you know that he have memorised surah Humazah all because he is amazed by the word Huthoma which means Hell? Yeah..he is so intrigue by Huthoma that he makes us on this surah in the car on Repeat Mode. He loves it and will read it aloud. He also loves Surah Wa dhuha and Surah At Tin.

Abang being his mischievous self next to Maqam Habib Nuh.

Its a Friday..... Salaams Juma'ah.

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad.

IInnallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ.(Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

2009-07-23T16:07:00.003+08:00

The maid ran away this morning.

Mum has been instructed to Rest in Bed for 2 Weeks.

I am trying to do my best to help out, cleaning, ironing but with the 2 kids who need constant attention, sometimes, my hands are tied.

I could just CRY!!!!!

Lost....

2009-07-22T14:39:00.007+08:00

Rejab has passed by so fast and soon we will see bulan Sya'aban,

Alhamdullilah, I managed to fast a few days this month.

Been busy with the kids. Adik has started her porridge intake, so I feed her porridge twice a day for lunch and around 5pm. In the morning, she takes either Nestle's Oats and Prunes or Brown rice with Milk or Wheat and Honey. At night, she takes solely milk. Alhamdullilah, her appetite for food and milk is so far good.

Made fish porridge with potatoes and carrots all blended together.

Adik looking like a doll in her white satin dress ready to go Mamu's Bai's wedding reception.

Last Friday, mum was rushed to CGH's ICU as her heart nearly collapse. There was too much water in her lungs. Her heart could not pump for oxygen. I broke down upon hearing the news when my bro called me at 3am.
When mummy was at the hospital, I was totally in charge of my kids well being E.g their food. Made me realise how much dependant I am on my mum and how often I turn to her for her opinions and advice.
I felt feverish without mummy, something didnt feel right but luckily hubby was very supportive. I felt lost, but I calmly took charge and I guess these are things we go through in order to grow and mature.

Doctors wanted Mummy to stay in the ward for another 2 weeks but Alhamdullilah, we managed to convince the DRs to discharge mummy.... so now she can rest on her own bed.

She still has more check ups to go to as an outpatient. We are all watching her diet and ensuring she takes her medicines. Low salt and Low sugar food and due to her water retention, she can only drink 1 litre of water and no more.

I love my mum very much and so does my son and the rest of my siblings. I am praying her kidneys aren't as bad as the dr's said it to be and we can lead our lives normally again.
Goes to show how important it is to watch our diet before we fall ill.

+++

Abang or rather my dear Little Habib, turned 3 years old a few days ago. Since I am not working now, and we don't spend as lavishly anymore, we had a simple celebration for him at his school with his requested chocolate cake and packed some goodybags for his classmates.

We also bought him a blue BMX bicycle from a shop in Tampines. He was of course contented with his gift. Mamu Bai gave him colour pencils and colouring books and Dada and Tok gave some cash. Alhamdullilah, lucky boy.

Abang with his new BMX.

I am still going through my life, trying to be a good wife and mother. Still sending out my resumes to any job vacancies I find interesting. I am leaving it up to Allah's Hands. If he plans for me to work, than I shall. If not, I will keep praying that our finances are protected and go through my life with whatever we have and continue taking care of the kids on my own.

Insya'allah....May HE plans the best for me.

AIF... Wedding Weekend!

2009-07-10T10:56:00.004+08:00

See the man with the Arabic headgear?
He's my brother and he was safely declared a husband yesterday after he recited the aqad nikah as witness by the kadi whose our friend, Ustaz Suhaimi Fauzi.

Alhamdullilah, may my brother and his bride live a blessed life after this. I truly mean it.

Time flies so fast. I now gained a sister in law. Soon, I'm sure, my children will get a baby cousins, Insya'allah. I cannot wait for that. It would be nice to expand the family and see little cousins playing together....

Thank you to all those who helped out with the ceremony. May Allah (swt) bless you for your help and contributions. The reward for 1 help goes a long way, Insya'allah.

Two more days of festivities to go. I cant wait to see my besties this Saturday night for the dinner. Its been a long time of not meeting some relatives and close friends.

I was thinking, for the wedding dinner, we can skip the Hindustani songs and play Michael Jackson songs instead? Woudnt that be a tribute? hah.. but I doubt my dad and bro would agree lah, they so love their "Doom Machale Doom"..... hee3

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad.
IInnallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ.
(Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

My own Struggles

2009-07-01T10:35:00.005+08:00

As my kids grow older, different sets of problems arise.
As per my mum, these are not problems, just minor test from Allah (swt) to see if I have patience to go through motherhood.

Each passing day, I find myself struggling with Abang's discipline. He is a cheeky and sweet boy but many a times, he misbehaves and put me in very a difficult position. Unless you are a mother of an active boy, you might not understand what hubby and me go through. Its alot of DEEP DEEP breaths.

I analyse my life, and find that its all about bringing up the kids in the best possible way in terms of their akhlaq, Iman and Ilmu.
Its about being a supportive and caring wife,
and its about being a better person.

That is all for now.

Allah, I thank you for putting me back on the straight path. How sinful and foolish I was to think about other's sins when I myself am struggling to be a better person. I seek you Magfirah.
I need to concentrate on my own good deeds instead of thinking about others wrong doing.

Thank you Allah for your guidance, You are Most Near and never Far. I place my sorrows and trust in YOU for nothing is Possible without your Mercy.
May Allah gives me strength in times of needs and the wisdom ( Ya Alim) to raise my children well.

Amiin.

** I smile and I move on. To YOU whom I have harboured hatred towards, It is all erased.*

Rejab bulan maghfirah (keampunan)
Syaaban bulan syafaat
Ramadan bulan menggandakan kebajikan

Rejab bulan taubat
Syaaban bulan muhibbah
Ramadan bulan dilimpahi pahala bagai hujan mencurah

Abang wore his sandals on his own last weekend. Alhamdullilah.... Insya'allah with much doa from Ummi, you will turn out good my Boy.

Adik has started to move and squirm in the car alot. I think its time we belt her up in the car seat.

Passed the 6 mths mark. Feeding well to Brown Rice and Oats and Prunes. Been easy to look after her. May Adik grow up as my confidante and best friend. Amiin.

Spare me the details....!

2009-06-28T22:53:00.010+08:00

Going through my life right now, not having the luxury to spend on things that I dont need is slowly changing my perspective in life.

Slowly, I can feel that material stuff means very little to me anymore...
Once....I used to dream of these things.

I dont know if this change in me is temporary or will it be something eternal.

When someones tells me about such worldly and material stories, I smile and pretend to listen, even nodding but only God knows how I simply hate hearing such stories.
Next time maybe, when I have the courage, I'll tell the person that I am not interested to hear such details...

Finally... I took the step to pray to GOD to not allow any worldly desires enter my heart. I pray that my heart do not crave for these worldly desires anymore. It is not easy but after reading an article on Facebook by sis Muna, I lowered my head and make dua that my heart is cleanse.

Now, each time I think of a COACH bag, I think of how many packs of diapers I can buy with the money. When I think of eating at expensive restaurants, I think of how many cheaper but happy meals I can get with the money. U know what I mean right.

We still have dreams, of an upgrade in housing, holidays and fun trips but nothing that is wasteful. All our dreams and ambitions now focus on the kids happiness.

It could be my loss of income,
it could be listening to my friends whose Iman is like a mountain compared to mine,
it could be listening to my hubby....
I dont know, but lately, I seem to HATE people talking about their worldly possessions.

Its OK to talk about it cos your really happy about it but when the talking reach a certain point when its considered boastful, my heart crumbles, I feel like just walking away from the conversations.

The other day, someone was telling me stories about someone she knows (a commoner) who earns so much and is so rich, he only eats at hotel restaurants. He lets others know his earnings and he only buys branded items.
While hearings her go on and on about this person's wealth, I dont know why, I just wanted to run away, puking.

Its like my heart hates hearing these worldly stories, that I just want to yell "enough about these worldly tales!".
I just dont want to hear anymore and its really not because I was jealous.
I would be so happy if we muslims can be rich and afford expensive and quality things, but when these items becomes stuff that is boast about, it becomes something that I hate.

Seriously, spare me the details. I just dont envy such people. Its the people with huge Iman and Taqwa that I envy most and want to be like.

Honestly, humbleness is a Virtue and being Thankful with what you have, is a trait of a Mukmin.

Words from my dearest Ukhti.

"Bagi hamba, anti adalah diantara mereka yang paling kaya. Punyai kesihatan pacaindera, jasmani ruhani, keluarga, Ayah Bunda, Suami berserta zuriat dll. Sedangkan ada diantara mereka yang tidak punyai salah satu dari nya ataupun kesemua nya sekali. Kaya bagi diri hamba ianya terletak pada hati.
Apabila kita mengenangkan mereka yang bersusah payah dan serba-serbi kekurangan didalam kehidupan mereka, senantiasa akan terbit rasa syukur yang amat sangat didalam hati.
Kita bisa sahja melihat orang itu kaya tetapi mungkin dia tidak bahagia, seandai nya dia bahagia, mungkin didunia sahja, di Akhirat sana nanti? Tidak salah sama sekali, seandai nya kita ingin mencontohi mereka didalam usaha mereka untuk mencapai kejayaan, (sudah tentu usaha yang Redhai ALLAH serta RasulNYA), tetapi berhati-hatilah wahai diri, kerna kekayaan dan kejayaan didunia ini adalah fana`, sementara di Akhirat sana nanti adalah kekal abadi."

spoken like a true muslimah.

Khalas!

These blessed Months...

2009-06-24T14:21:00.003+08:00

رب اغفر لي وارحمني وتب علي

"Ya Tuhanku, ampunilah aku, rahmatilah aku dan aku bertaubat kepadamu."

Rejab has arrived.

Only the closest to me know how sad I feel.
I didnt get the job that I was hoping for.

No matter how well I thought I did for the interview, if its not written in kitab loh Mahfudz that my rizk is not from there, then I wont get it. I was reminded of that by sis Aishah.
I give in to this. And, I give in to the fact that Allah (swt) knows best. He knows whats best for me, yet I dont know. I can only put effort and pray.

Still, this heart was broken upon the rejection, and I am trying to mend it again. I am not as strong as I hoped to be.

Thankfully, there are some servants of God that shared alot of kind words to me. I may not have alot of friends, but I have a couple whose Iman and Yakin are so strong, its amazing.

Ukhti27, your advised have given me new perspective in life to go on with what I have and to improve myself spiritually. I will look at what I have instead of what I dont have.

Sis Nazrana, your jokes and cheerful words brings me happiness and ease some of my worries. To know that you are always there even through sms, is very assuring. I will always be there to cheer you on too. In the end, it is the cleanest heart that wins the true happiness.

Cuz Rei and Tanty, be it on MSN and email, thanks for the chats and logical thinking and just being there to lend a shoulder to cry on.

I love you ladies who make me stronger... my inspiration, each and everyone of you.

Rejab is here. Soon Sya'aban and then Ramadhan. These blessed months...hopefully will bring much blessings to me and my family and to all those who seeks Allah's(swt) blessings.

I halt activities here and will concentrate on some spiritual journey. I hope you do too. To my friend who lost her spiritual self, I hope these months heal your wounds and pull you back to our creator and our Rasul (saw) once again.

To myself, whose heart have been crying silently daily... I pray that after all the sadness, there will be happiness.

Insya'allah
Wasallam.
Till then...Ummi hearts u.

AIF! ... KL Trip June 2009

2009-06-19T15:48:00.006+08:00

Alhamdullilah Its Friday...!

We went for a short 4-days holiday to Kuala Lumpur last week.

Thanks to Mami Mik (hubby's aunty) who showed us around the city, we managed to visit some interesting places rather than the usual KLCC and Bukit Bintang area.

Just the day before we left, while packing, I made the decision to bring along Adik with us. I was deliberating at first. I kept thinking that it would be hard to bring active Abang along with little baby Adik. But then, I also thought about how adik would miss her Breastmilk and my company. My mum was willing to take care of adik for us, but still...somehow, I knew I would miss her even if its just for a day.

There were a few signs to say that I should bring her, so in the end, we did. We just made her passport anyway.

We went as a convoy of 2 cars together with newly bought Walkie-Talkies which were important for any convoy trip you know. Very useful to pass around directions and informations between 2 cars.

My hubby's family in their Subaru WRX and us in our Honda Fit. Alhamdullilah, the journey to and fro was smooth. My BILs are really good drivers. We managed to reach KL in around 4 hours without any stops as we had left only after lunch.

It was an experience to bring 2 small kids on this holiday and being totally in charge of them since my parents didnt come along. Suddenly, I was in-charge of both of them for the first time.

Adik, Alhamdullilah was easy to handle and only cried loudly when she's hungry.
Abang, on the other hand would start to get cranky when its around evening time and because we r on a holiday, he never got his usual afternoon nap, so that made him very hard to handle.
But they say 'what dont kill you only made you stronger' right?...
so me and hubby definitely gain some good experience as parents after this trip. There was some hard times that left me breathless, when Abang decided to cry and scream for toys when he was tired, and when Adik decided to cry because she was hungry, both at the same time. Yar, imagine 2 screaming kids at the same time! That happened on both the days around evening time.
Luckily, my MIL and Bils were there to assist when I needed an extra pair of hands.

My verdict : I THINK i can bring both of them up again to KL end this year for a short weekend trip for the Iman AlHaddad Haul at Masjid Baitul Aman.
Insya'allah...we'll see if Abang can understand instructions better and is better behaved. Insya'allah.

Tues:
Set off for the Trip at 2Pm after a short stop for takeaway Macdonalds lunch.
Reach Mami Mik's Terrace house at 6.30pm
Solat, ate home cooked dinner and reach Mamu Usop's condo at 9pm.
( Condo : Royal Domain Sri Putramas 2 in Sri Hartamas area )
We passed Batu Caves and Abang got so excited seeing the huge statue of the Deity.

Wed:
-Swimming in the morning
-Lunch at the famous Pelita Nasi Kandar (very nice but huge lunch time crowd made it a little stuffy)
-Solat at Masjid Negara (the one I saw during solat Jumaat at RTM1...excited to visit the mosque)
-Deer Farm- fed the kanchils bread.
-KLCC-shopped for kids stuff at Isetan. No time for other things as kids were cranky.
Coffee stop at Coffee Bean and at Dunkin Donuts.
-Head back to the condo as the kids were cranky around magrib time
-Dinner : Pizza at 11.30pm because hubby and BIL who went to buy the Pizza got lost while driving back to the condo.

Thurs:
-Nasi Lemak Lunch prepared by Mami Mik
-Templer Park waterfall where we swam in the river -saw monkeys on the forest trees.
-Solat at a nearby masjid-old masjid heavily influenced by PAS. Bil's Urban Male slippers got stollen by some naughty Kampong kids.
-Some shopping for tidbits at Carrefour
-Seafood Dinner nearby-kids extreamly cranky while eating.
-Headback to the condo as the kids were cranky
-After Magrib, swimming with Adik

Friday:
-Roti Canai Breakfast
-Left for Singapore around noon
-Stop over at Ayer Keroh for tidbits and A&W quick bite.
-Reached Singapore around 6pm

Pelita Nasi Kandar. Bil's WRX and our good old Abdul FIT

Abang and my SIL at Masjid Negara

Abang enjoyed the deer farm soooo much. Its a must to go back to visit them deers and Kancils again!

Mami Mik carrying adik and Abang splashing water on FIL.

Abang and SIL outside the gate getting ready to go swimming...

Adik in her Boya swimming at the condo's huge pool. She's cool as a cucumber!

AIF! ...Kids Time.

2009-06-05T16:15:00.014+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Its Friday....

Looking forward to next week...big big plans.

I am happy...yes I am, being with the kids, spending time with them and hubby makes me feel calm.

Hubby and me have been spending lots of time with both our cuties during the weekends. I guess my hubby was trying to make up for loss time which he spends in the office. Thanks dear for trying to make it up to us. : ))

Adik has started laughing like a kid at 5 months old. I feel blessed just by hearing her laughters.

This was at Pizza Hut, Jusco JB. Abang at 2 years 10 months, feeding himself. Ummi is so proud of you. Looks like putting you in school is a good decision made since you are now learning to eat on your own like in school during recess time.

He ate a few slices on his own and insist on eating without me feeding him. Good Progress!!

Abang loves Pizza you know.

Father and son watching the waves at Pasir Ris Park. This is our new past time. Setting up picnics and chatting. I love watching the sea. De stressing... : )

Abang loves playing the playground at Pasir Ris. We love watching him have fun too. Hey! Bring your kids out to play! Fights Myopia u know.. hee.

This must be Abang's favourite outing by far. We brought him out to frolic in the sun and waddle pool at Marina Barrage. Even I had roll my pants up and waddle abit!

We went on a Sunday Morning, with some friends and set up a picnic while the kids play. Thanks to Ummu Mukhtaar who suggested and planned everything. Thanks for introducing this place to us. Abang just loves to play in the water. I hope this will build up his confidence on swimming.

But I noticed my dear son only wanted to play on his own or with me. He didnt want to join the other kids. Even when I brought him to them and get him to socialise, he just went away, found his own quiet spot and play on his own. Hmm.....

Abang loved it when the water massages his back. Hydrotherapy?? hee.... I loved sitting there underneath the fast water fountain if I could.

While Adik was very much left out in the waddling frenzy, dear Hubby did carry her near the water to let her have a feel at it. Adik, grow fast ok, so you can join Abang in his water adventures! : )

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad.

IInnallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ.

(Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

Weekend smiles... : )

2009-05-25T12:00:00.013+08:00

Alhamdullilah, yet another weekend have passed us..

We had some good memories over this one... some pics I took using my E71.

At Masjid Abdul Razak on Sat night. Ustaz Hasan Saifouridzal reading Maulid Dhiyaul Lami' which was written by his teacher, Al Habib Umar Bin Hafiz. The group used drums....It was Spectacular!!!!! Encore Encore! Tak Puas ah.....

Alhamdullilah, Mak, Hubby, the kids and Me managed to attend. Little Habib was singing along to the selawats and Marhaban. Little Adik was calm and quiet, just listening maybe. Mak was Happy. Hubby was with another Habib. Me..lets just say Heaven on Earth!

Priceless.

Making Little Habib's favourite drink. Ribena mix with Creame Soda with a slice of Lemon. Its called Fizzy Lemon Ribena inspired by Tang Tea House.

Snacks while chilling at our own house. Chixcheese Popiah from Ain, 'Ramly' Fish Nuggets and 'Tesco' Hotdogs.

Adik in Super Black Thights! Sexy.... hee hee...

Azirah ( Dr Aziz's youngest Daughter ), holding Adik at the masjid. She's one intelligent gal I tell ya. She does not want to be a gynea like her dad cos she does not want to see blood everyday so she tells me.

Sis Nazatul Fazlin holding Adik. We girls meet at the mosque every Thurs and Fri nights... We chill at the back when Little Habib's not in the naughty mode.

I saw this ad at the Bus stop....We then decided to bring the kids hang loose at the beach on a nice Sunday Morning.

Abah holding on to the kids while taking baby steps at the beach. Little Habib seems to got over his fear of the water. Next week, we're going on a picnic with mats and food and towels and extra clothes. Insya'allah. Wanna join us? Call me K : )

Tagged!

2009-05-25T11:32:00.006+08:00

Tagged by Hajar. Im starting to get the hang of doing tags lah .. : ) )

1. Do you think you are hot? Not anymore...wahahahaa...

2. Upload your favourite picture of you. > I dont put my pictures on this blog, but I'll upload one of my kiddos.

3. Why do you like that picture? > Can u feel the sibling love ya’all…

4. When was the last time you ate pizza? > Last month when I was looking after my kids at my own house and there was nothing for lunch.

5. The last song you listened to? > Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For by Danny Gokey and Lionel Ritchey.

6) What are you doing right now besides this? > Taking care of my bro’s shop in Kaki Bukit.

7) What name would you prefer besides yours? > I like Asyura and Mastura

People To Tag
- anyone else who have the time to do taggs..hehe... macam kat Facebook pulak eh.

(Im modifying this...)

The people in my life.
9) Who is number one? > I always say its our Creator, Ya Khaliq.

10) Number three is having a relationship with? > Me…wuhoo!!

11) Say something about number five? > Super cute n talkative who test my patience everytime

12) How about number four?> she would do anything for me.

13) Who is number two? – Sayyidul awwalin wal ahirin Muhammad Mustafa Salla’Llahu Ta’ala ‘Alayhi wa Alihi wa Sahbihi wa Barakah wa Sallam.

Inspiring...

2009-05-22T11:24:00.003+08:00

http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

'how can someone's laughter bring me to tears' <>

I am thankful to Allah (swt) that that I have $5.00 to buy a chicken set meal. I must remain thankful for my Rizk even if I do not have the means to splurge on branded things all the time. I shall admire those bags, but I shall never put them in my heart. Never.

"Therefore remember Me, I will remember you,And be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me." The Noble Qur'aan [2:152]

I must remain thankful and I must not have that "if Only" syndrome because that is the opening for the Devil to start messing with my Iman.

2009-05-19T14:10:00.006+08:00

Abang loves to visit the fish pond at the nearby community centre.

Adik sucking on the edges of her pillow when she goes to sleep.

My gift to mak on Mother's Day.

Coach Imran ( my Bil ) coaching the kids at Tampines Safra every Saturday Afternoon. Thinking of letting little Habib hang out there with him to release all those energy he has and put it to good use... A great way for him to built up his self confidence too. There is the young rangers programme for kids as young as 4 years old.

2009-05-19T13:48:00.004+08:00

The days have gone by fast.
I could hardly believe its already Mid May.
There are a few things that I’m looking forward to in June.
There is the awaited Interview. Weather I get this job or not depends on it.

Then there is this short KL trip that we are planning.
Still deliberating if I want to bring Adik along or leave her alone in my mum’s trusted care. Told my hubby, I need a Break!

Talking about Breaks, well, I had an emergency urut session a few days ago.
My back was simply breaking and it came to the point where I could not turn myself in bed without great effort.
I guess 5 mpnths of carrying Adik and also running and fussing over Abang really took its toll on my body.
The Urut lady who lives a few blocks away, really did her work, nevermind me screaming in pain, her mission was to break every ‘biji angin’ in my body!
At the end of it, she did Sengkak, and glad to say, my body’s feeling good again.

+++

We have started getting our groceries from across the causeway. Its great, I can get a pack of 80 Huggies Ultra for RM 44. The kids milk are definitely cheaper and I always take each trip like a mini vacation. Glad we took the step to venture out of our comfort zone.

+++

It seems that I have a lot to do in my list.
Today, I have settled the order for my brother’s cake for the wedding dinner. Sugarly Nice will be baking it.

I’ve ordered éclairs from my cousin and still yet to settle the Brownies with Janna.

The wedding cards are done and we have a rough idea what we want for the Berkat.

I’ve gotten my outfits ready but yet to get matching headscarves for it.

I also need to get in touch with my pal Red Herring on the Henna. The problem is how am I going to get my hand hennaed when I have 2 fidgety kids to handle? How eh? What do u recommend pal?

This time round, its just going to be a wedding dinner for close friends and family for our side.
The girl’s side will be holding a grand Nikah and Walimah on separate days.
I simply like the idea of a cosy dinner wedding. Alhamdullilah my parents agreed to it.
Yes, I’ve heard lots of comments from people who aren’t even close to my family about why we are not making a big wedding for my brother. Tsk Tsk…lets just say, people with Ilmu will not make such comments. I told my parents not to get affected and just go with what we feel right as long as we are not going against syariah.

Well I had a big wedding and though I appreciate my parent’s efforts, I didn’t enjoy it at all. It was tiring, not to mention a waste of money.
I would rather a small wedding, not over the budget but intimate and blessed. So I applaud my brother’s suggestion for not over spending on his wedding. He can use his money for a romantic honeymoon instead kan.
If I had my way, it would just be maulid, khutbah niqah, niqah and then Briyani Dam followed by some photo taking. Khalas….. :)

+++

I am enjoying time with my kids. Abang is driving me up the wall and sometimes, I go nuts with his activeness, but at the end of the day, when I have calm myself down, I understand that its not all his fault. He is barely 3 and a boy after all. I need to relax on my expectations and stop being so littlemissnaggy sometimes. Hah….

Adik is still my little darling. It seems that she has started to have interest on our food. She is also very strong and can grab things already. I wonder if all that breastmilk is making her a feisty gal.

Most definitely, when they grow a little bigger, I will enroll them in my BIL's silat academy.

+++

Went for another High Tea @ Carousel to celebrate Mother’s day with my mum. We enjoyed it. She’s still very close to me despite some hiccups earlier. I guess lots of patience and prayers helped me remain close to the people I love.

+++

It seems that I don’t have the urge to blog much. I don’t know when else I will write after this entry.
I spend my time catching up with friends on Facebook. Events and religious notes can be found there too.
I have somehow lost the momentum of writing on Islamic knowledge but that does not mean I am not going for my kuliah. Now that Adik is always with me, I listen to my ustaz but I rarely write down notes. These days, what little time we get to go for kuliahs and religious events are already a blessing.

Just yesterday, at Masjid Abdul Razak, a lady in her 50s ticked my off when Abang was playing near her in the mosque while she was trying to listen to the ustaz. Abang was not making much noise, just babbling while playing with his toy. The lady told me to get him away from her. “ Bolehtak bawak anak awak keluar dari sini?”

Loss for words, I gritted my teeth, and smile and I carried my kids out of the woman’s area and eventually found a place at the corner near the men’s area. Hubby came to sit with us too after that.
It’s sad that there are people who learn ilmu but are not receptive to kids being in the mosque.
Sometimes I question if what hubby and me are doing is right. Its like there is a Khilaf in this matter.
But looking at the positive points that my son can now imitate prayers, knows how to recite surah and selawats and he is very comfortable at the mosque environment gives me assurance that when we do it solely for Allah (swt), there will be good that will come out of the effort.

Insya’allah… this is Life….Its not Perfect, but we can do our best to overcome the obstacles if we just keep to our faith.
+++

AIF! ...

2009-05-08T14:56:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah Its Friday!

Looking forward to the weekend,
The weekends are when hubby is around more to bring us out for a drive and to eat at our favourite makan place.
Just love to spend time with my family these days.

Adik just woke up from sleep in her cot.
I think not only is Adik attached to me, I have also grown soo attached to her.

They grow up fast dont they... Masya'allah. I pray that they become close siblings, loving, protecting and guiding one another. Insya'Allah, Amiin.

Floorworks By Perle Noire

2009-05-04T11:06:00.010+08:00

This world is Vast and so Is the our Rizk.

For a few weeks now, I have been helping my brother tend to his renovation showroom on weekdays.
The hours are suitable cos I get to send Little Habib to school, feed Adik and put my her to sleep before I leave home for the office and by the time I return, they are just waking up from their afternoon nap.
The pay is just nice for me to spend here and there, for myself and the kids.

I must say, I'm proud of my brother for setting up this business and with a good designer with him and many wholesaler suppliers contacts, I pray that his business will succeed beyond expectations.
So far, he has done quite a number of projects and they all look good to me.
Well done Bro!

Work consist mainly of answering calls, tending to walk ins and the usual admin work cos sometimes I have to call our suppliers to arrange for samples and get price lists n quotations etc. Been learning the ropes on how to run a renovation firm....interesting!

The feeling of helping my own brother run his self set up business and managing his showroom for him while he goes onsite to take care of his project is rather good.
Who better to help than your own family member right...
However, the need for more pay and CPF contributions is why I am still job hunting outside.
Really, I would love to help out my bro on a full time basis.....maybe its not time yet.

Any readers interested in doing renovation works, u can contact me and I'm sure I can get my bro to give some good deals or discount! : )

Where I sit....this table also belongs to the designer's table when she comes in after I'm off work.

The Showroom.

The tiles display...Many range of unique and designer tiles making me want to re-renovate my house all over again! The price range is also affordable!

Many different types of Laminate Flooring. The colours are so nice, its so hard to choose which is my favourite.

www.perlenoiresg.com

ps/ Perle Noire means Black Pearl.

Fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra

2009-05-03T06:44:00.006+08:00

I believe in this Quranic Verse

Fa inna ma'al 'usri yusra
Inna ma'al 'usri yusra
Verily, along with every hardship is relief.
Verily, along with every hardship is relief. (Surat Insyirah 5-6)

That is why, when I face sadness and hardship, I cry, than I pick myself up and move on....If you think you can put me down, Ohhhh you are so wrong because, because you are not Most Powerful. Allah (swt) is and with Allah (swt), I seek refuge.

Adik is nearly turning 5 months, so I was rather surprise to received a Diaper Cake a week back from some ladies whom I knew on this online forum.
Cant say that I am close to them at all..so this teaches me a lesson to be nice and humble to everyone no matter how different I feel we are. May Allah bless all of them for their generosity. Amiin.

Really didnt expect them to send me a gift, what less a diaper cake which I know can be quite expensive. This Diaper cake was made by Stubbornsnails.com n while I haven't had the heart to dismantle it yet, I read in the card that it comes with lots of good stuff inside. Of cos the best part was the 60 pieces of Huggies Ultra Diapers. : )

When I look at my kids, the sadness disappears...They are such innocent beings.

When I look at them together, happy n playful, I am reminded of how blessed I am to have something complete. It strenghtens my ambition to be a good role model and to always guide them to be on the right path.

Yes, when I look at their faces, hear their laughter and stare at their angelic eyes, all sadness n anger disappears and only love prevails in this weak heart of mine. Masya'Allah, for them, I must be strong and go through life's challenges like a true Muslimah Warrior.

: )

2009-04-29T13:30:00.005+08:00

Alhamdullilah, eventhough I didn't get to attend most of Habib Umar's talks this year and also the one that Shaykh Yahya Rhodus (student of Habib Umar Bin Hafiz) gave, I managed to hear parts of it from Ukhti27's blog.

Masya'allah the heart feels happy to hear the jamming session that SimplyIslam.com organised. Listening to maulid and qashidah gave me some form of calmness during moments of sadness.

Maulid Diba'i Bacaan Sidi Nasir, Syeikh Khalil Moore, Ustaz Mohd Iqbal `AbduLlah, Syeikh Yahya Rhodus dll dengan diiringi oleh kumpulan Hadrah Thariqah Naqsyabandi Singapura.

Shaykh Afeefudin said the other day during Khutbah Jumaat at Masjid Mydin that we should complain to Allah (swt) when we have problems, don't complain to people. This is a good reminder cos truth be told, I always forget that we should turn to GOD when we are faced with problems rather than telling people about it.

Thus, I have started another blog, an anonymous blog to let go whats sadness I have. Its theraphy.
Sounds weird but it will be like writing letters to GOD. Somedays, I am at a point where I just cannot be a Superwoman no matter how badly I want to juggle everything.
Perhaps if I had only 1 child, things would have been better. But I tell myself never to regret and to look at things long term.
Allah will help me....Allah will help me even if no one does.

I woke up earlier for Subuh prayers today, and poured our my sadness to GOD. Before that I read some Quranic verses, selawats and Asma'UlHusna.
While talking to GOD, or rather, conversing, I strangely felt that Allah (swt) was Listening ( Ya Sami') and HE spoke back to me. I'm not sure if I was just imagining, but I heard some good advise to the problems that I was going through.
Amazing isn't it?
Yes, Allah (swt) will NOT leave us when we seek him in our Lives.

I trust that the tests given to me is because Allah (swt) wants to increase my Iman and to see if I have the patience to go through hard times.
Allah (swt) wants to see me put in practise what I have learnt in my religious knowledge class and see if I can maintain being on the right path and follow our Master Nabi Muhammad (saw) teachings.

Our Prophet (saw) when people do bad to him, he returns it with much kindness and love. I must say that this is a very difficult act to follow but as of this moment, I am still trying my best to do that.

People who have Ilmu reacts differently than people who does not have Ilmu. This is a personal reminder to me.

Insya'allah, With Allah(swt) and Rasullulah (saw) with me, I can go through this. I pray for Allah's Hidayah and Taufik.

Habib Umar@ Masjid Abdul Razak

2009-04-27T11:41:00.009+08:00

When Adik Met Habib Umar.

The weekend had passed, and its been a spiritual weekend indeed.
.
Hubby met so many Alims, namely Shaykh Afeefudin Al Jalilani who gave khutbah at Masjid Mydin, the Habib Umar Bin Hafiz entourage, and also our Shaykhs from America.
.
Alhamdullilah, I had prayed for at least Adik to meet Habib Umar this year since Abang had met him last year.
.
I managed to tag along with the hubster to one for Habib Umar's tazkirah at Masjid Abdul Razak early Saturday morning when the crowd had not build up yet.
Abang was sick, so he was left at mum's place. I'm sure he would have loved to be there. I was happy to be at my favourite mosque too, from where I sat, I could see Al Habib clearly.
I wished and I prayed that Habib Umar bin Hafiz could visit Singapore more often.
.

After prayers, the jemaah read Wiridul Latiff, than Habib Umar gave a short Tazkirah and finished off with a Doa.
.

He said that listening to syarahan's is a personal reminder to every individual even to himself.
Habib said that when we listen to religious talk, we must feel that the advise is for us. That means we have Iman.
We cannot say that the advise is for other people and not for us because each syarahan is for everyone.
People who are far from Allah (swt) will say that those advise are not for them.
Allah (swt) berfirman : Berilah peringatan kerana setiap peringatan itu manfaat pada orang-orang Mukmin.
.

Habib Umar shared many other stories with us too....
.

After the tazkirah ended and all the men had salaam Habib, hubby carried our little princess to meet Habib Umar who was sitting down in front of the mimbar. It was really relaxed cos not many men were around Habib, so Adik got some doa from Habib Umar and also Hubby managed to snap a picture of them together while Habib Umar carried her.
If I'm not mistaken, I saw Habib Umar kissed her cheeks as well..
Alhamdullilah..May Adik grows up to be a solehah dan suka berdamping dengan orang orang Alim... Insya'allah.
.

Later outside he mosque, I managed to see many other Shaykhs and Ulama'.
Shaykh Yahya Rhodus and Shaykh Khalil Moore was also there.
Infact, Shaykh Khalil was just a few meters away from me. I wanted to talk to him..I wanted to say "Oh I have you as my Facebook friend!"..hah...but I didn't think it was appropriate for a me and him to talk without my hubby around. It would not have seemed nice with so many men around....
.

To Be continued.

Habib Umar 2009

2009-04-22T12:58:00.005+08:00

SimplyIslam.sg has released the office schedule for Habib Umar Bin Hafiz's visit to our dear country for year 2009.

I must say I miss Habib Umar so so sooooo much, and I am a tad bit disappointed that his stay here this year is rather short. He will be flying of to Australia after Singapore.

Seriously, I dont know If I can attend any of the majlis with adik in my arms and Abang who still cant sit still in the mosque.

The hubster will Insya'allah go for the lectures. Hubby's schedule was pack the last few days and will be too the next few days cos its the seasons of Hauls and Maulids and Briyani Dam.

Last week was the Haul at Maqam Habib Noh where he carpooled with his Masjid Abdul Razak gang. ( good idea since parking is usually a hassel ). Sheykh Riduan was there singing qashidah. Dang, I missed it!

Today, there is a Maulid at Masjid Khalid, where Habib Abbas Alsagoff will Insya'allah attend.

Thursday will be the massive Haul At Masjid Ba'alwie. Hubby will be on half day leave, Insya'allah.

This Saturday, there will be some lectures at Masjid Abdul Razak after Zohor and
Sunday, at the same mosque, 10am, the 12 year Haul of Shaykh Omar Alkhatib ( only for Men ).

So, tis the seasons for lots of blessings, remembrance of our past Alims and where Ulama's from Singapore and around the world will gather, singing qashidah and spread pearls of Wisdom.

Though, I dont know if I can even attend any this year, I reminded hubby to make doa for me, the kids and for our dreams and future. Usually, before he leaves for the majlis, I will remind him a list of doas to make. Heh...

Insya'allah, Hubby represents my family. Me, I guess...I will look after the kids and just pray that where they are bigger, we can all go as a family.

Amiin.

Semi Solids@4 months

2009-04-21T15:37:00.002+08:00

Apple and Banana Puree

At 4 months, my little princess is ready for semi-solids

so I home made some apple-banana purees for her.

So far, Alhamdullilah, she is taking it rather well, a few spoonfuls each time....

no preservatives, just natural nutrients and a whole lotta love from Ummi! ; )

ALLAH will never leave you.

2009-04-21T11:09:00.004+08:00

I just had to cut and paste this on my blog.
Written by X.
Whoever X is, he/she had touch my heart.
These are advise for my friend, ( yes you are still my friend no matter what),
but somehow, I feel that its useful for me as well...

" The innermost recesses of your heart must be containing that aweful longing and feeling of extreme unworthiness in yourself...
n automatically you see others the faults you see in yourself..
because others are mirrors for you.

It is true..everybody is full of faults..its only Allah who dresses them with beauty..in different degrees for different people..
He is As-sattar veiling the ugliness of our true selves (for those who's egos are still riding them) Unfortunately very very very few have defeated their egos.
Despite the true ugliness of a huge portion of mankind, Allah still loves and forgives many..and even make them look oh so good in the eyes of others.
Such is the manifestation of His Mercy.

Ignore what others say.if they make you feel worse.
For if it is heaven sent, everything they said will have made u feel more loved by Allah..
not more hated or more hopeless..

Read the ayat 49 of al'araf. Then you will never care what people say abt u.

Read 165 of Al-An'am. Then indeed you will see the truth in your observations...that indeed even perceived high ranks in His Presence, is a test in itself.

In the end our goal is simple.
To love Him.
And boil ourselves down to zero...
Such that Allah becomes the only Living Real Essence.

And about loving Allah...He did say..in khabar Qudsi"O children of Adam, I love you through my utter commitment to you, You can love Me also through my utter Commitment to you."

So you see, He will never never never ever leave you.
Woe to anybody who paints you like a hell dweller or themselves as heaven dwellers..
For none of us are sitting on the Arsh deciding who goes to hell or heaven.

Salam..."

They Make me Happy !!

2009-04-12T22:50:00.004+08:00

Hubby and me turned 4 last week, and he brought me out for High Tea at Carousel while Mak took care of the kids.
It was so romantic just sharing coffee and ice-cream with hubby without the kids to worry about.

I love my hubby so much. He's working hard now that he is the sole bread winner.
He even entertained the idea of me becoming a housewife, of which I told him I am not ready yet, but will leave it for Allah (swt) to decide for me.
He has taken a big responsibility, and I am so proud to have him as my hubby. Alhamdullilah.
May our marriage last till enternity.

I love my kids so much,
They genuinely give me happiness.
Adik has turned 4 months and is now sticking to me like glue. She cries when anyone else carry her. Oh oh, how is Ummi going to start work if the time comes?

Abang is becoming a very sweet boy, yes still active and misbehaving, but he can be sooo sweet sometimes. I never fail to kiss and hug him when he shows me good behaviour.

My life now should only be concentrated on them. Hubby kept telling me, don't concern myself in people's affairs, and just concentrate on bringing up our kids.

Hubby is right.

Big lesson learnt. Its ok if people dont consider my feelings. I know Allah (swt) is with those who are daunted.

2009-04-12T22:31:00.003+08:00

Today I've learnt a very valuable lesson,
Today I also feel like Ive lost someone close to me.
I seek forgiveness from GOD, cos I am only human,
I tend to be very emotional when I am angry.
I dont understand why I cannot be patient when I know patience is the key to solving problems.

I miss being close to my fellow muslimah friends.
I dont have time for them, cos I am always with my kids.
Adik, at 4 months, just dont want anybody else to carry her.
Tonight, I spent some time reading their blogs.
Oh how I pray that I can be like them.
I miss so many people who are close to Allah (swt).

I cannot stand being around people who only think of worldly things.
I cannot stand people who are blinded by their own Nafs.
I cannot stand people who are so full of themself.
I cannot stand people who back bite and betray.
I cannot stand people who gossip.
I cannot stand people who mis-interpret my intentions.

I ALSO cannot stand myself sometimes.

P/S Masya'allah, Kak Rina.. your post here is sooo similar to what I feel now. Yes, I talk too much, I involved too much, and I learnt my lesson. And I never intended to make the issue big. May Allah (swt) forgive me.

Abang ( 2 years 8 months )

2009-04-08T04:03:00.006+08:00

As I layed my head to rest on the sejadah,
my eyes shut, tears flowing, as I recalled my nightmarish experience of the day.
I sujud to GOD for some time, weeping to him, then I gave salaams and seek his forgiveness for I felt very much like a failure.

Sometimes, when Abang Misbehaves in public, and I cannot control his activeness and stubbornness,

I feel lost, and ashamed.

I dont know why... Sometimes, when he is too excited,

He misbehaves and even my scolding or beating him does not work.

So I have to remove him from where he is misbehaving.

Adik, my little angel, just have to go along with us.

Sometimes, when we are out shopping, we have to go back as soon as we bought the things we need, cos Abang is simply not behaving well.

Sometimes when we are at the mosque for Isyak prayers, we have to jump into the car and drive off as soon as prayers are over cos Abang is well, running around the mosque, laughing loudly, as if, its his house.

Yes, kids will be kids, but sometimes, the place to be kids is just not appropriate.

I have self banned him and myself from our normal mosque, until he learns to behave himself when he is in it.

I am waiting for the day, where he will learn to behave himself when he is outside.

Sometimes, I feel so frustrated of Abang's misbehaving, that I cry when I lecture him.

He does not understands...

cos he will tell me " Abang, good boy..."

2009-03-29T21:57:00.007+08:00

Finally, I know what its like to be a stay-at-home-mum....

Noticed some Positive as well as Negative impacts happening to me.

I'm trying to be good....
I pray I can suppress my inner demons and not let those fair-weather-evil-hearted-proud-stuck ups people get to me.
I'm praying I can remain patient and be on the right path.
I pray that this 'small scale' so called 'poverty' wont ever engulf me and deviate my faith.

Ive noticed myself being ever more protective of my hubby and kids and snapping back at any unwanted comments.
This isn't the me whom I wanna be.

I want to be at ease at what God has planned for me and just do my best to be a better mother, wife, daughter and friend.

Sometimes God gives us tests because he wants to see how far our patience can be stretched and how much Iman we have inside us.
Its such times I must remember what I have learnt in those majlis Ilmu which I used to attend back in my younger days and put it to practise.

I thank Allah (swt) for giving me the guidance in moments of weakness.

Adik being looked after the girls at the mosque while I take a breather.

Coudnt resist some online shopping for those cute baby girls accessories...alas, the headband was too big for her, so have to wait for a few more months before it can fit well on her.

Abang and Adik sharing a bed at Dada's new house.

Now that Im not working, I can bring Abang to the nearby mosque to solat Dhuha. We did that last week, and had fun spending 'Ummi and son' quality time.

Also, I have time to go through some Montessori lessons with him.

Abang was so happy to see the Merlion live yesterday. It was his first time at the esplanade...many more times to come Insya'allah.... : )

2009-03-23T22:23:00.003+08:00

I want to move on...
But I do not know how to let go
I miss everyone of them,
and Im sure they miss me
And like 1 cruel joke,
we have been made to separate...
Im keeping it all inside,
and Im only telling you bloggy,
that If I had a choice,
I would have treasured all of them even more
I miss my pals, my confidante and that mosque that I used to frequent every lunch break
If only you knew...

AIF ! ...

2009-03-20T14:22:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Its Friday....

My last interview didn't go well.
The moment he said "we start work at 7am and we work on Public Holidays", my mind went blank....and thereafter, I just couldn't concentrate.
What u expect me to hurl my 2 babies to mum's place by 6am and take the 6.15am train to work? No go man....I'd give this a miss.

Went to the jobsDB fair today...with my pal. Major disappointment.
We were much happier shopping after that.
Not much interesting companies hiring and 80% of the job seekers were errm lets just say NOT Singaporean. You can hear them talking in their own language..and I wish I can just tell them to get lost cos these job should go to us Singaporeans...
fuming mad and disgusted but what can I do? I don't control employment in this country right.....

Meanwhile we're moving tomorrow...
Im excited! New environment, a room for my kids.
I'll definitely Miss the old estate but I warmly embrace the new one since its so near to our mosque.
Mum has backaches even before the moving started. Poor her. Poor helper as well.
So much things to pack.
Me too.... back aches..... If only we can hire those professional movers....

Hubby hasnt bought those CATS tickets yet despite saying he will check it out at SISTIC. I wonder if he will ever get it at all. Hmmm.....

The Kids are doing great. Adik have started sucking her fingers and biting them. Must be teething. Saliva all over her mouth. Its just unhygienic thats all.
Abang is sometimes naughty, sometimes very sweet.
Im still figuring if he will start behaving when he turns 3.
I cant wait for that day. Im just soo done with the terrible 2 Phase.

Its a Friday..I pray for Rizk...and happiness. Amiin.

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad.I

Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

2009-03-15T21:42:00.003+08:00

Its the March week school holidays...
Little Habib's school had a term end party...
we contributed cream puffs....

It is also my last week of work.
While my partner 'lycc' has gotten some job offers and went for several interviews,
It is still nothing for me....
As much as I want to burst out and cry,
I also know that everything happens for a reason.
Allah knows best and Allah is all Merciful.

I guess, I will look after the kids for awhile, while continuing my job hunt....
Insya'Allah.. something will come...
Tawakkal and place my trust in Allah (swt).

Mak has been busy lately, and things will be busy till July
We're moving! and after that, my brother will be getting married.
So its maybe best that I can be around to look after the kids while Mak concentrate on the new house and the wedding preparations.

We brought our active todler to Science Centre yesterday..
drove all the way to Jurong....
alhamdullilah, despite getting lost, we managed to find it... quite easy to find the place if we didnt make that wrong left turn!

It wasn't me who's interested in all these science stuff...
But hubby seems to be over the top with all these science fiction stuff and wants our son to inherit his love for science...
Little Habib did not understand most of the exibits, but I can tell he enjoyed the Omnimax show, and any exibits with current, fire, water and electricity.
Well, I sacrificed a 3 hour trip in the Science Centre...
now I'm hoping hubby would sacrifice his time and $$ to date me for a theater show call CATS!

Brother hugging sister who is clearly uncomfortable... hee...

Brother watching the water park at the Science Centre..next time, we'll bring extra clothes so that brother can play at the water fountain.

Adik smiling alot at 3 months old... she really makes me and hubby happy..Alhamdullilah.

12 Rabiulawal...

2009-03-09T13:42:00.004+08:00

Alhamdullilah, we celebrated 12 Rabiulawal, the birth date of our beloved prophet Muhammad at Masjid Al Abdul Razak.

I felt happy…..a feeling I haven’t felt for some time. Maybe because I was celebrating my love’s birthday.

Mak went with us. So glad that she came along with us. She needs some spiritual calmness after looking after her active grandson week after week.

During the Qiam, I whispered to Little Habib

“Behave yourself, Nabi Muhammad is here with us”
“ Where Ummi, where's Nabi Muhammad ?” he asked, looking around in all innocence
“ He’s there and smiling at you. Just look and read the selawats…..”

Little Habib stared at the men from behind the curtains with his lips mutterings the selawats and following the Marhaban.

Last night, the men had finished the 12 days of Maulid. Alhamdullilah, I was holding adik in my arms. Mak was making lots of doa during the Marhaban.

Sadly, someone amongst the men refused to stand during the Marhaban. He sat there reading his own book while waiting for Isyak.
Sadly, he is hubby’s friend, and dear hubby was rather upset looking at him sit.
Sadly, someone in the jemaah told him to stand, but he refused.
To us, personally, its such rude behavior. Just frigging insolent!
I mean, what if the Allawyns are right, that Rasullah (saw) is really present during the Marhaban and you refuse to stand. Tsk.
I wont go on cos I don’t wish to discuss Wahabism in my blog… but I cant help thinking what if Almarhum Ustaz Ahmad Semait was still alive and in the jemaah yesterday night......

………………May Allah bestow all of us with his Taufik and Hidayah with the blessings of Rasullulah (saw)

Selawat and Salaams to the leader of all Prophets.

AIF ! ...

2009-03-06T10:56:00.003+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Its Friday….!!

Sent Little Habib to school this morning.
Glad that he is comfortable and at ease with school
and his teacher wrote to me in the comms book saying that he sometimes lie on the floor or sing while playing his materials which shows that he is comfortable.
He also recites his surahs and doas confidently.
Alhamdullilah….
Im proud of the “hero kampong”, now able to adapt to school.

Little Habib too is becoming the little Bilal of the masjid. When the jemaah is praying Isyak, he at the back will recite Alfatiha and azan loudly and pray his own way. Some pakchiks think he is cute…but Im sure some cant concentrate on their prayers. Oops.

Adik is having problems with her bowels.
4 days once.
Bringing her to the Pead tonite.
Hope its nothing serious. Poor gal.
Face all red when she is trying to pass motion.

Went to watch Slumdog Millionaire last week with Massy.
What can I say…Definitely deserved to win an Oscar for the Best Movie at the Academy Awards!
Sad to see those slum kids being made to beg and how they were forcefully made blind so that the syndicate can earn money.
My heart broke while watching that show. Thank God for the happy ending !!
Its definitely a reality and I must teach my kids to be thankful people cos here in Singapore, we don’t see all these.

Feeling down still as my job hunt have not yield any results.
I feel touched that many of my friends send out my resume to their HRs. Thanks for the effort.
Sent an msn to hubby.
Told him : I feel down.
He responded : Good things comes to those who wait.

Being a Friday and in the month of Rabiulawal,
We listened to some Maulid Alhabshi.
Alhawi.net mailed us the maulid CD “ Mutiara Qashidah ” for free.
Thank you to them good people.
Track 3 brings back memories don’t you think so dear?

“ Wahai Penghulu para Rasul!
Wahai Sandaranku,
Setelah Allah, engkau adalah peganganku
Dalam Urusan dunia dan akhiratku
Wahai Rasulullah! Bantulah aku….”

Allahumma salli 'ala Sayyidina Muhammadin wa 'ala ali Sayyidina Muhammad
.
Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

2009-02-26T11:56:00.010+08:00

Looking back at 2008, It did seem to be a year full of tests for me,
what with the miscarriage, and the 9 months of morning sickness, then came the bad news of losing my job....
I could have easily lost my faith and go nonchalant on my Iman and walk away, in which Alhamdullilah I have not....

so when a friend changed her lifestyle and told me religion is no longer important to her due to some incident which happened in her life, I literally broke down........... cos of all the people that I know, I didn't expect it to come from her...

I pondered for awhile what should I do to this friend, someone whom once I considered my best pal when it comes to attending religious functions of the Ulama's...
heck, we even went to visit Hababa Nur together, sat together hearing pearls of wisdom from the wife of Habib Umar Bin Hafiz , gaining a huge honour to visit a wali Allah who came from Hadramaut and sitting alongside many solehas who were there in their black purdahs...

I remembered those moments at Masjid Aleem Siddique.... Now I can only smile, pray and hope she will eventually come back to the right path..I realised, no amount of my advise have helped her, so I leave it in God's hands...one think for sure, I cannot give up on her....because, I myself do not know how I'm going to end this life and leave it to go to the next realm... We can all only pray for husnul khotima and pray to be on the right path and pray that Rasullulah (saw) don't walk away from us....

.................... well back to my own life... Im currently job hunting, abit depressing being jobless at a time like this... but in turn, I get to watch the kids grow up...

Little Habib is in Genting Highlands right now... enjoying his time with his grandparents while I look after his sister....
I did put Adik at my MIL's house and went dating with the hubster, we went to Teleshop where I bought the E71, then we had lunch at PastaMania at Orchard Cineleisure and had strawberry smooties and Tiramisus...It was so funny... we actually felt so free and remember this was how life was without the kids....
well.... Im sure those couple time will come back eventually when the kids become more independant and start doing their own things and Ummi and Abah can concentrate on each other more....

When Habib Salim Asytiri was here, he reminded us to look after our kids, know what they are doing behind us... take care of the girls, watch what they wear.. make effort to bring them to majlis Ilmu... a person who goes of to attend a majlis Ilmu is protected by the wings of the angels.... yes, its real those wings...huge and massive sheltering us...we just dont see it....

Insya'allah...I feel that when we have the right Intentions, Allah (swt) will help us in raising the kids.. Of cos the little dissapointments that we have with them and the patience that we have to have when raising our kids are all tests from Allah (swt)......

Looking at Adik, just makes me want to be a good Ummi and be a good role model to her..I hope I can do it.. Insya'allah...

Adik at 2 months....
She has started to make conversations with us.. those baby sounds... baby giggles and baby talks....and she has started to laugh and smile .....

Separation Anxiety...

2009-02-12T09:32:00.004+08:00

Apparently, my boss called me a few weeks back to check if I could return to the office earlier to help out with the company's call centre. Work will be extended till end March before the official outsource to the Manila Call centre takes place.

At first, I looked at my babies and I rejected. Afterall, Little Habib had just started school and adik is still very much on Breast milk.

But than again, I watched them day in and day out, and things seems to have settled down now and my mum had given me the green light to start work, so Ive decided to return to work next week. Yeah, so much for the 4 months of maternity leave hor... !
Of cos, I will get extra pay for returning..its just a matter of sacrificing my leave... still, I find it a little necessary as the money will come in handy in times like this..insya'allah.

Since Ive made this decision, I have been going through some bouts of depression...just tiny ones... ( who said Muslims does not go through depression? ) We do... I feel everyone can get depression, its just a matter of how we handle it... eg: zikir , reading the quran , qiamulail....seek help from Allah (swt)....or by any other halal means like drinking coffee or spending time with love ones...talking it out...

Yes, so I can feel the separation anxiety already!... its been 3 days of not picking up Little Habib from school ( dry run lah for the actual day ) and he came home telling me " Ummi never come and fetch me eh.?"....you see, the little one feel it too....
Today, I'll be fetching him, just need to explain to him after this that Tok or Dada will be the ones fetching him once Ummi starts work next week...Ohhh.... painful....

Than, there is Adik... angel I tell u.. ( insya'allah )...well she needs me too.. I mean, I know Mak and Daddy and the Aunty and Mamus at home can shower her with hugs and kisses but its the Ummi's touch that is special to the baby right... and what about the milk?
well, for now, she just have to take express breastmilk and if not enough, its Dumex Mamex.

Little Habib is getting better in school, he does not say those bad words anymore, and he has so far stop hitting his friends. Sometimes, I do find his school a little too strict but I guess they have to maintain a high standard of discipline to control the lot of toddlers.
I am quite happy I didn't pull him out of school when the going was bad because, yesterday, he recited the doa after eating ( in a cute voice he said : " Oh Allah, thank you for the food and drink and for making us good Muslims. Amin " and wiped his palms over his face. )
Oh Masya'Allah.. hubby and me were overjoyed like Jakun parents asking him to repeat what he just did..hahahhhh.....
and sometimes he will mutter those arabic words he learn in school like " Gufronaka" or " Qiam" or "Illaliqa"....

Anyway, he is learning some things there... he just need to learn to behave when he is out with us. That part is abit tough and rather challenging cos he's rather pampered.

Adik sleeping in her baby cot.

Hubby decided to dump the play pen and buy this baby cot from our good friends Fir and Ummu Nabil.

Came at a very good price and in good condition too with free mattress and linens! Alhamdullilah...

Nabil used to sleep in this cot, and now Adik. She seems happy there you know, sometimes she smiles in her sleep and we joked that she is thinking of Abang Nabil...(hehe..sorry hor for the joke at such a young age..sheesh... )

and so far, Adik is well trained to sleep in the cot, unlike Little Habib who has been sleeping in between me and hubby from day 1.