tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post8491604546780206731..comments2023-11-02T19:31:22.771+08:00Comments on Words from my Heart....: Oh Little Habib.... !Ummi's Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08989486685464714125noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-69100101688082979572008-12-04T09:57:00.000+08:002008-12-04T09:57:00.000+08:00One more point to note:If a child continue to misb...One more point to note:<BR/><BR/>If a child continue to misbehave, it is a way of him/her to get attention. How is this possible? <BR/><BR/>The child does not get enough positive attention from his parents/caregivers. When he/she misbehave, he gets attention from that particular person - that person will be with him e.g. scolding, nagging and punishing.<BR/><BR/>Wassalam<BR/><BR/>*Giving a child attention is another long topic by itself.<BR/><BR/>Ummu MukhtaarAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-80361228232104135882008-12-04T09:14:00.000+08:002008-12-04T09:14:00.000+08:00Assalamu'alaikum wr. wb.,Just sharing...Reasons wh...Assalamu'alaikum wr. wb.,<BR/><BR/>Just sharing...<BR/><BR/>Reasons why a type of punishment is no longer effective is because 1.it is be done without the child getting the impact of it. for example, the child does not feel the pain of it. Kalau nak pukul, biar rasa sakit pada pukulan yang pertama.<BR/><BR/>2.the child does not see the connection between the mistake he has done and also the punishment given.<BR/><BR/>3.it is carried out not seriously or inconsistently.<BR/><BR/>4.it is carried out too often, and it is considered abuse.<BR/><BR/>5.it has no follow-ups (reasoning sessions) and reminders. Biar mulut ini berbuih, satu hari anak itu belajar jugak.<BR/><BR/>6.the act is modelled by others in his environment.<BR/><BR/>7.it is done by others and not by his/her own parents. Therefore the child has "power" over his/her parents. In other words, "pijiak kepala" mak bapak<BR/><BR/>8.the child is too young too understand. In this case, gertak saje and once in the blue moon, "kalau nakal sangat yang membawa bahaya, biar dia disengat, dan terus dia ingat." Insya Allah.<BR/><BR/>9. the punihsment does not suit the child and situation.<BR/><BR/>10. there is any party who side the child and condemn the disciplinarian. In this case, child is confuse and confide in his RESCUER.<BR/><BR/>What we want is a WIN-WIN situation - both child and parents gain.<BR/><BR/>And of course, du'a ibu jangan putus.<BR/><BR/>Wassalam.<BR/><BR/>Ummu MukhtaarAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-83453013742281990392008-12-04T07:14:00.000+08:002008-12-04T07:14:00.000+08:00Salaams Norza : Firstly Congrats on the birth of y...Salaams Norza : <BR/><BR/><BR/>Firstly Congrats on the birth of your 2nd child Sarah !! : P<BR/>Alhamdullilah....<BR/><BR/>For Little Habib, Taps on his hands does not seem to work anymore. Sometimes after being naughty, he gives me his hands voluntarily to get Tapped!<BR/><BR/>I was just wondering if it would be easier to discipline a girl compared to a boy... Thanks for sharing... : )Ummi's Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08989486685464714125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-53811836337896428282008-12-03T19:21:00.000+08:002008-12-03T19:21:00.000+08:00ummu mukhtar..you've spoken my thoughts well. disc...ummu mukhtar..you've spoken my thoughts well. disciplining kids takes a lot of approach...sometimes me and hb are at losing ends. and diff kids have diff personalities for us to handle them. <BR/>we used corporate punishment (taps her hand at most) if its an intolerable mistake. aisyah likes to hit the person if she didn't get things her way. hitting people close to her can lead to being someone who dares to hit other ppl back. <BR/><BR/>she will bawl after we tap her hand but after shes calmed down we explain to her why shes being hit and make her promise not to repeat it again (which she will repeat, of cos).<BR/><BR/>some acts like throwing tantrums and not wanting to sleep, I will just talk to her at eye level and reason wif her that by not having enuff sleep, her eyes will be tired and red and she won't grow up properly, bla bla.<BR/><BR/>im sure as a ftwm, you have more challenges than a sahm since you're tired at the end of the day. every parents hope their kids will behave and I hope you will sail thru this with your hb's support...insyaAllah. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-30237166887688647362008-12-03T06:16:00.000+08:002008-12-03T06:16:00.000+08:00Salaams :Firstly thank you for all the comments......Salaams :<BR/><BR/>Firstly thank you for all the comments... <BR/>Let me read and re-digest again and again.<BR/>Its a difficult phase for me but its something every parent will have to go through. <BR/>" To Cane or Not To Cane..."<BR/><BR/>We have bought 2 canes. 1 at my parents house, and 1 in the car. I dont see a need for one at my own place.<BR/><BR/>We have not used it on him yet...* I cant ever bear to use it on him* but have used it to threatened him and it has seems to work. It hurts to see the fear in his eyes when he sees the cane and when he hears the swooshing sound of the cane. Again he waives his hands to silently say " No dont".<BR/><BR/>Ive made it clear to my dad that I dont believe in caning. Full stop. If it really has to be done, I will let my hubby handle the situation. Let me be the soft one who councels and let hubby be the disciplinarian.<BR/><BR/>My mum was the understanding one and we grew really close to her. My dad used to cane us becos simply we were naughty. <BR/>While I grew to listen to my dad and always wanting to be good and proper, my brother at one point of his life rebelled. I guess, different kids, different results.<BR/><BR/>I do use the "Applaud method" when he is good and the firm tap on the hands when he is naughty. But my weakness is or everyone's weakness in the household is when he we beat him, and he cries, we quickly come to his rescue and comfort him. <BR/><BR/>Ummu Mukhtaar, your comments on disciplining is rather complex and I guess I will have to put my emotions aside in order to discipline effectively. <BR/><BR/>I'll discuss this more with my hubby.<BR/><BR/>Jazak'allahu Khairan. <BR/>Wasallam.Ummi's Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08989486685464714125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-74950752675448202462008-12-02T21:30:00.001+08:002008-12-02T21:30:00.001+08:00Assalamu'alaikum wr. wb.,Some pointers to in deali...Assalamu'alaikum wr. wb.,<BR/><BR/>Some pointers to in dealing misbehaviour and carrying out punishments:<BR/>1. Different child reacts differently to a type of punishment. This applies too, to different gender of child.<BR/>2. Parents MUST find out what has he/she done.<BR/>3. Parents MUST carry out the punishment/s so that child can learn the values and lessons from immediate family. If others were to carry out the punishment,parents MUST work hand-in-hand with the 3rd party. <BR/>4. If soft approach doesn't work, resort to a harsh one. This is modelled by Rasulullah s.a.w. in facing challenges from his enemies. Some approaches - counsel, get the child clear the mess(if they are older enough), deprive child of favourites e.g. toys or cancel outdoor activity.<BR/>5. Give chances to the child. Then if child does not abide to rules, punishment MUST be carried out - to learn the severity of the act.<BR/>6.Parents MUST "WALK THE TALK" and hide all emotions when punishment deals are activated.<BR/>7. Upon punishment, leave the child for sometime to be alone before "berdamai" lagi.<BR/>8. During "berdamai" the peacemaker has to support the disciplinarian and rationalise matters with the child.<BR/>9. If punishment is to be carried out, it has to be done, there and then. If done later, small kids will not remember the incident, hence find no connection between the punishment and the incident happened hours or days ago.<BR/>10.Corporal punishment is the last resort and this is to be done if the act is considered serious "offence".<BR/><BR/>Wassalam.<BR/>Ummu MukhtaarAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-46108463548510414552008-12-02T21:30:00.000+08:002008-12-02T21:30:00.000+08:00Depends on the situation..light tap on the hand if...Depends on the situation..light tap on the hand if your child did that again and a firm deep no and look into the eyes..and pause for awhile..to each child,his own...it may work for one but doesnt always work for another..you see how it is and use your strong motherly inituition to deal with your beloved child.<BR/><BR/>Applause when he was in that same exact place/position n not throwing anything..applause hard when he was caught not taking anything n throw and normally praising n applausing for being good is something they would love to gain.<BR/><BR/>I am not comfortable reading one Anonymous here pointing out someone else's child with the father's name spelled out..please show respect and do no exhibit aib..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-3024191457503433862008-12-02T08:03:00.000+08:002008-12-02T08:03:00.000+08:00Just to share, my parents never beat me and my sis...Just to share, my parents never beat me and my sis up. Alhamdulillah, we didn't grow up to be rebels..not even in our teenage years..we were taught to be independent and to reason.My mom says anak anak mesti dibesarkan dengan kasih sayang, bukan dengan kekerasan. I hope you will find a way out without resorting to the cane. I just felt it might inspire more dislike in him towards the people who beat him up rather than love. Not pampering may mean you don't always give in to whatever he wants, but does not mean you absolutely have to use the cane. <BR/>just sharing, you may accept it or you may not.Besides, if you really want to learn the most beautiful way of teaching a child, learn from Rasullulah s.a.w. He never beat up any child.<BR/><BR/>NadhirahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-46859893624070842722008-12-01T23:29:00.000+08:002008-12-01T23:29:00.000+08:00this is hard..and me thinking abt this already sen...this is hard..and me thinking abt this already sends shivers imagining my laith as well...i second to what lycc says...my abah never uses the cane and will slow talk and mak pulak will beat us with whatever she can reach, we grew up closer to Abah..but i don't know is it bec of the soft approach or otherwise..but dun use the cane too often bec i read up that it might no longer be a threat to them once they gt hang of beating..<BR/><BR/>gosh, its hard! <BR/>:(Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-46550462459667960782008-12-01T15:36:00.000+08:002008-12-01T15:36:00.000+08:00is part and parcels of the boy's growing, my dear....is part and parcels of the boy's growing, my dear. sometimes caned does works when educating them verbally failed. DO NOT cane them first, show them the cane and explained why the cane will comes in handy if he is naughty. dont ever raise the cane and start whacking when he misbehaves, cause too much caning will leads to rebel too..<BR/><BR/>teach and tell them slowly, they'll learn, dont worry.alice_lychttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08285590072414470964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-49572769872607362532008-12-01T12:54:00.000+08:002008-12-01T12:54:00.000+08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-61411979491540659742008-12-01T11:43:00.000+08:002008-12-01T11:43:00.000+08:00Dear Nadirah, He is rather pampered and I dont thi...Dear Nadirah, <BR/><BR/>He is rather pampered and I dont think he understands whats "time out" or "face the wall"...and if Im the one scolding him, he will go and find someone else to sayang him.<BR/><BR/>but no harm trying... thanks .Ummi's Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08989486685464714125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-19170950432638203752008-12-01T11:34:00.000+08:002008-12-01T11:34:00.000+08:00Dear,i don't know if this helps but you can try ti...Dear,<BR/><BR/>i don't know if this helps but you can try time out.<BR/><BR/>NadhirahAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-15376937749356232692008-12-01T10:48:00.000+08:002008-12-01T10:48:00.000+08:00You know hajar, I also always say i will never hit...You know hajar, I also always say i will never hit my child the way my dad discipline me when i was young..with the belt !<BR/>but its seems rather impossible....my son hasnt even begun talking back to me yet Im already using the belt to threatened him if he dont want to sleep or is naughty....yeah wishful thinking really....<BR/>in the end, the belt jugak yang keluar....<BR/><BR/>: (Ummi's Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08989486685464714125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2250309057415792598.post-85931679778104838162008-12-01T10:33:00.000+08:002008-12-01T10:33:00.000+08:00Oh dear. Surely it hasn't become that bad. By all ...Oh dear. Surely it hasn't become that bad. By all means, I really feel it for you. All my life I've been telling myself if I have a child of my own, I'll never lay a single finger to hurt him/her in any way possible. But I guess such thinking is wishful when the reality seeps in. Is there really no other alternative? May Allah S.W.T. provide you with the best solutions to deal with this.Hajar Alwihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02080749465091091832noreply@blogger.com